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27 June 2009

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foundindaho

There was an article in our paper here today about the skipper of our local semi-pro baseball team (or it's pro, but not Triple A anyway I digress) - they had said on TV he had a "tragedy" that caused him to miss the opening weeks of the season. Well, today I found out that he and his wife lost their eight week old daughter in much the same way you lost Thalon. While the piece was uplifting (how strong they are etc. and I'll be they are), I had two things running through my mind after reading it - how often they're probably saying "FUCK!" and rightly so (not that he said it for publication)...and the fact that he said he wanted to, and would, talk about his daughter frequently because they "still have her, she's just not here with us".

I don't know how you guys do it, but you sure as hell have my respect for doing what you're doing.

Zakary

I'm so very glad you found that picture, he's perfectly beautiful.

Noelle

You have more grace and courage than I could ever hope to have. Hugs.

Debbie in Memphis

My heart aches for you. Sending you love and prayers and wishing there were more I could do.

Miri

he is so gorgeous.

i think you are handling this extraordinarily well, the way you help your girls through this,
i don't think i would have the strength.

SarahP

Shana I'm a 34 year year old who 27 years ago stood in a corner watching her Doctor father frantically try to revive her one month old brother who died from SIDS. I am so glad for you that you have photos of your beautiful baby boy. The only ones taken of my brother were on a double exposure and it still hurts my mother that she can't remember what he looks like. I ache for your loss.

Ashley

Just by looking @ him you can tell he was a happy baby - you made him happy. Never think for a moment you were a bad mom. Your strength is amazing. I read your posts often and wonder "how the hell is she surviving this?!?!" Even through all the fu'kd up days and all that - YOU are amazing! So - kudos to you for making it each day. When your daughters grow up - they will remember what strength you had and what an awesome mother your are.

A Friend

This doesn't help, nothing I can say will, but it is a nice sentiment: Vita mutatur, non tollitur. Life is changed, not taken away.
He is still with you.

Amy

BEST. LIPS. EVER.

sizzle

I don't know if/when we ever make sense of death. I know I'm still trying to make sense of it years past my father's passing. I can only imagine it's five million times more difficult when it's your child.

My heart breaks over and over for you, my friend.

Heather

Keep posting those photos - sweet Thalon now lives on in my heart too.

Sarah R

I don't understand either. Big hugs to you, sweetie...... (((((Shana)))))

oncRN

he is pure beauty.

LD

He has the most amazing little mouth...and he'll always be yours.

TUWABVB

You are right - you will always have a son. My heart stopped when I saw his little face and how much he looks like his beautiful sisters and momma.

maggie, dammit

What a beautiful boy.

You said the right thing. She doesn't have to understand it to know that it's true.

Jennifer

That is a precious wonderful gift! What a find! I'm sure that broke your heart a little to hear that from your daughter. It is a hard concept for them to get, no doubt. But at least they are both old enough to have some solid memories of their brother.

PS, can't believe that you are 40! I was thinking 35 max.

Lindsey

I just can't get over those lips! Beautiful!

This post hit me like a ton of bricks. Your girls, oh my God, your girls. Again, you are handling a terribly hard situation with grace. Your response was perfect. I am so sorry I can't help you or take the pain away.

Suzanne

Beautiful picture. I think your response to your daughter was perfect. Even if neither of you understands, it is true - he will always be your son, her brother. Hugs.
Suzanne in Wi.

Cher

There are no words I can say to comfort you. All I can do is send you a virtual hug to you and your family.

Sarah

Breath taking, heart breaking.

Kimberley

What a beautiful boy. Such a dreamy look on his face. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. It's just not fair.

gwendomama

Honey I am so sorry. I know you know me. You don't want to remember me maybe...I lost who you lost. I lost a son. He lived in our family. He was part of us for 13 months and then....((poof))....he was gone.

I am sorry a million times over. And it sucks and it is fucked up beyond belief and that is all I can offer you.
Oh yes, and this: IT will become easier eventually. Because, well, time and all that, right?
But also this: Best advice anyone gave me after Elijah died? Was essentially this: "For about ONE YEAR.....Do not try and function on a normal level. Do not make any life changing decisions, and do not expect things to be different until at least a year has passed. If you are feeling like you cannot see things clearly, then you are doing GREAT! Do not expect to be fine."


For the next months, weeks...as you know....it no longer became a challenge of me against the normal world. I stopped fighting it.
And after about a year...I started to understand.

I love you.

Vicky

I was wondering how do you pronounce Thalon? Is it Thay-lun? Is it pronounced like Talon? Is it Thall-un? Tay-lun? Sorry if you have already addressed this, I was just wondering.

~Michelle~

I believe this photo was a Gift to you from your sweet boy. A "sign". I hope and pray for many more.

Your family is never far from my thoughts, and always in my prayers.

Cat

The lips! Those lips are incredible! XO

claire

He is so beautiful! I am so glad you have the picture!

erin

That beautiful baby looks just like his sisters.
I wish I had something profound to say, but I don't. I am deeply sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain.

Kim

He has the most delicious lips. Seriously. He's a beautiful boy, and he's yours, always.

Carrie

I love that picture. I'm glad you have it.

Tamara

What a sweet smile and bright eyes! I am glad that you found this picture of Thalon.

Kristabella

Nobody ever understands it. But I think that is the perfect thing to say to your daughter because we should always remember him and he will always be a part of your family.

anon

He is seriously delicious. And I say is. One day you'll see him again.

Rhonda

I like to think that finding that picture was a little message from Thalon to you and your family.. to you and his daddy especially.. look into those beautiful little eyes.. see that beautiful little mouth.. he is saying," Mommy I am just fine..I'm happy here and have lots of people to play with and I will see you again.. Don't worry about me" That picture was a gift sent from Thalon to you.
He was so beautiful. And he was a blessing for the short time you had him here.
Bless you hun.
Rhonda

Lara

:(

Big hugs to you, G'buns.

Marjan Shahkarami

Wow look at those lips. He's baby Mick Jagger.... I am sorry I can't even bring my self to talk about him in the past tense, as I sit here at work quietly crying and looking at those luscious lips.... hugs

Beth

he was/is/always will be a beautiful, adorable, perfect, cute, precious, funny, squishy little angel. He has changed the way I look at my kids, the way I look at the world, the way I live my life. He accomplished more in his short little life and made more of an impact on many of us, than most will accomplish in a life time.

Joanna

He has the sweetest little face. I'm so sorry he isn't with you physically anymore, but I totally agree that he will always be with you and a huge part of your family.

Kia (Good Enough mama)

Feck. I have no words. He's gorgeous. It's so unfair. It's all been said, but I'm still so pissed off on your behalf. I hope that you eventually can look at his photos and not ask "why," but if I were you, I'd probably be convinced that I'd never have that comfort. And you're right: how can a mother explain such a difficult circumstance to a child when even we, as adults, can only ask "why" and be left with no answers.

Come to Canada. We can play the "why" game together. Over booooooooze.

Andrea F.

What a wonderful sweet picture and I am sure one of those bitter sweet moments. So special to come across these new pictures but I bet it makes thing ache a bit more. I am really sorry this happened to you and that you lost your baby son. It is not fair and there is no reason that this happened to you vs. me vs. someone else. On a day to day basis do you find some happiness to keep you going?

Cat

Just stopping by to say hi and tell you I'm thinking about you today. XO

Rhonda

Shana I hope this holiday weekend somewhere amid all of the patriotic goings on and all of the empty moments..you will find at least 1 minute you can stop and have a few minutes to yourself imagining Thalon looking down on all the beautiful fireworks and how much he is enjoying himself in heaven right now. He wants his mommy to know he is fine. Will be thinking of you this long weekend.

Stacey

I love looking at pictures of your son. He is so beautiful and there's just something -- compelling -- that draws you to him. How ironic that this picture that Rich found looks just like Rich's "mini me!" Although, other pictures show him looking just like your gorgeous girls, who resemble you so strongly.

I am SO sorry you were cheated out of raising this amazing child. It's not fair, never will be fair, and my heart will always ache for your loss. You will miss him the rest of your life and it's JUST NOT FAIR.

Hope you and your family are "enjoying" the weekend -- as much as you're probably able to enjoy anything these days. I have come to referring to Red Bull and Vodka as the "Shana," and always toast to your precious little man when I pour myself one.

Much love to you and your family.

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