cosmos

This evening I had a three hour conversation with a friend with whom I've have grown to love and respect more and more with each meeting (okay, one meeting) and talk (that doesn't sound right, conversation, conferment?). I tell her my thoughts and feelings and she validates me. What's more to love than someone that totally agrees with you? Even if you are a little more than fucked up at the moment. Figuratively, so to speak. She gets me. She REALLY GETS ME! (Man, was this line from a movie? I think it was...forgive me, please. Wait, I think the line is...."you complete me. you really complete me. never-mind.)

We discussed trips past, present and future while I interjected my messed up experiences in the mix. It seems, I ALWAYS have something to add to someone's conversation and it's usually something slightly strange and odd. Then I begin to think, "how did I make this conversation all about me? I truly hate people who make everything about themselves? DAMN! i am that person! EWWW! hopefully, she'll still like me in the morning because I mean well even if I steered the moment to me.me.me.."

Any who, we discussed her impending trip to NY and how she's both excited and nervous as she's traveled the world but has yet to step foot in the NYC. I however, have been to NY several times but have yet to step foot out side of the US. Nothing tropical or European even though this was a prerequistal wish before having children. I guess Disney World was the closest destination to Ireland for my ovulating hankerings.

I regaled my tales about the first trip I made to the NYC when I was 20. I was young, pretty (at least I thought I was) fucking thin (before a very fucked up boyfriend told me otherwise) and was even more blond than I am today. I went with a friend and her family as a token chaperon while we stayed at the Ritz Carlton, dined with the President of Mercedes Benz with my own personal waiter that refilled my water glass with ever sip and move and was chauffeured to a Broadway play starring some famous actress that I can't seem to recall because dining with the President of Mercedes Benz and discussing the elements of fine cheese totally precluded and postcluded  my thoughts of the night. Man, do I love a good cheese....

SO! I also shared that during this particular trip, my friend and I decided Haagen Das was in order even though it was 10:30 at night. We traipsed through the tulips, dark alleys and Central Park to get our fix to only find the ice cream store was closed even though it was 10:45 in the evening and the sign said it wasn't to close until 11pm. False advertising, I exclaimed! We hightailed our stupid asses out of there to only be DETAINED by the Chinese Mafia of 6, asking "how much you worth?" Umm......not enough? You short, me tall! FUCK!!!! and we ran and ran like Forest Gump to be detained by the doorman at our hotel, admonishing our stupidity that we shouldn't be roaming like two idiots in the not-so-late night. to be kidnapped for sex-slaves in another country. Wow! Really? I was like a Virgin at the time. Something I failed to share with the mafia and my friend at the time. Who knew I was such prime meat for the taking. Okay, that was way too much information there.

Did I fail to mention that we stayed at the Ritz Carlton during the American Music awards that year and I had a brief but illustrious "hello" with Terrance Trent D'Arby? Okay, never mind. I think Trudie Styler was also there. She smiled and waved but didn't say shit to my stupid ass. Really, why would she? I wouldn't. She's was all Zen and shit from having too much Tantric sex with her man.

Onto the next day of my adventure of being wide-eyed and stupid in NYC. While crossing many a street in this vast city of wonder, my entourage and I walked what seemed the miracle mile all the while a stranger kept murmuring sweet nothings in my sweaty yet clammy ear. Mind you it was the middle of January and it was cold as shit. Finally in the middle of the street, in front of God, cabs and our country, the dude asked, "do you want to touch it?" A dude that dressed in Wall Street cred material, had his wanker flopping in the below 20 degree weather, asking if I wanted to touch him. In true, not-so-subtle-midwestern-form, I freaked the fuck out! and said, "touch what?EWWWW!!!!" and ran to the nearest store. My entourage was lagging way behind me, questioning why I was acting so dangerously and stupidly. While standing in the middle of the shoe section all by myself at Bloomingdale's, "Mr. Wall-Street small dick" had his body pressed up against the glass in the breeze-way like a scene from " Midnight Express" while smiling a sinister and truly fucked up evil gaze. He waved and then left. No one seemed to noticed that he was sharing his goods for all to see and purchase. Needless to say, I was totally skeeved and ruined for all eternity.

You see, if the strange and obscure could possibly happen? It does, to me. Chinese Mafia, Flashers, Peeping Toms, and strange obscure deaths. They all happen to me and my little vicinity of life.

I often wonder. What the hell did I do in a previous life to deserve all of this oddness. Why can't I have a ho-hum existence? Why can't I have the 3.2 children while living in a mansion and have the white picket fence instead of being practically raped in my front door in broad daylight by an over-ripe body builder? Why does shit seem to find me? Do I find it? Do I have a magnet that says, "Hey! Over here! You could use some drama. It's been only three weeks since your life was turned upside down by a turn of events."

Basically, I have spent my whole life wondering, "why me? why not that other more fucked up person that might or might not deserve this shit more than me?"

A question of the Cosmos to answer and it should really reply to me very soon.

Comments

[Vicky]

I don't know......but let's talk about me (HA!). Weird shit happens to me all the time too. I mean, just odd stuff. I always have some bizarre tale to tell that amazes, amuses or astounds my friends and co-workers. I often wonder if its really true that the oddest stuff happens to me or if its just the way I look at things. I don't know.

[Single Jen]

Dude, I'm totally scared of NYC for those exact reasons. And dude, why do I sound like a surfer-hippy-dude? I'm so midwest, it isn't funny.

Thank goodness you didn't get sold into Chinese slavery. I would have to find another blog to read.

Life is stupid.

[Christine]

Ah, see I read this and I thought, god, New York is awesome. I used to live closer and would go into the city every week. Now it's more like a few times a year. Philly doesn't have the same sort of wacky people. (Although now that it's summer I should expect to run into the woman wearing a pair of jogging shorts and lime green sports bra while incessantly sweeping the streets. Seriously. I like that some of our homeless are helpful like that.)

[a]

There are some people in the world who are just freak magnets. Wherever they go, they encounter the odd and the unusual. Most of the time, it's funny and makes for a good story. I think it's a quality of innocence or openness that the crazy people can tune in to.

Just so I can make it all about me...I grew up in Chicago, and while I've seen my share of odd people, my experiences are a little different. People want to protect me, for some reason. So when the creepy homeless dude seemed to be following me on the el (the above ground version of the subway train), two people got up and stood between me and him so he couldn't follow me off the train. And when I was walking downtown one day, a nice young man came up and told me how I should always carry my purse in front of me. Otherwise the pickpockets would get in it - he knew, as he used to be one. This is quite contrary to my SIL, who goes to look at a dining room set she found on craigslist, and finds a transvestite. Those are kinda hard to find in our neck of the woods.

I wish I knew why the cosmos has singled you out for this kind of unusual attention.

[Cindi]

Well, life's not fair, and that sucks. As a teacher, I see some families that every kind of bad luck thrown at them, and they still survive. You will also survive. I'd love to tell you that things will change, and only GOOD things will happen to you from now on, but I'd probably be lying. Sorry about that.

[Tricia]

OMG, you spoke to me in this post. I've traveled the world and had many scary experiences that I didn't even know were scary at the time due to my naievity. And you know, I look around sometimes at some people I know that seem to have it "all" and don't get rained on with continuous shit like I appear to have been much of my life and ask WHY me? WHY not go dump it on someone who is not trying so hard just to have a "normal" life with normal things? I hear your pain, and I'm here if you ever want to talk. You are a strong woman. Keep writing. :)

[Amberly]

The part where you say, "I tell her my thoughts and my feelings and she validates me," is the best part ever. Never before have I ever heard a better definition of friendship and I realized that that quote is exactly what I cherish in some of my own friendships. Thanks for putting words to a feeling I've never been able to describe!

[sizzle]

Girl, you're crazy. And that's part of why I love you. :-) Never a dull moment with you around!

I have never been to NYC and this pains me deeply.

P.S. Sign your name across my heart, I want you to be my baby. . . hee hee.

[Karen Ladley]

OK. I attended college in NYC and never had any of those experiences. You could have been pretty doe-eyed which often attracts the freaks.
When I first arrived, I did have a guy yelling at me on the subway and I was scared and got on the wrong train to Queens but after that I kept my head down and eye contact to a minimum. It was one of the best times of my life!
See how easy it is to make it all about me!

[GingerB]

On the topic of shit magnets: I have a friend like you - she had an abusive unfaithful military husband and all she wanted in the world was a million kids to raise and he wouldn't let her have more than one with him, and she had just one older. She developed a hostile and unhelpful womb that made her sick, she got a hysterectomy she didn't really want, her husband came home from the war with cancer, and she nursed him 'til he died, his family sued her to try to disinherit her kids, then her older son melted down into heroin and alcohol use. Now her son is better, she has a new long haired man who has some kids she can maybe get to raise, and her younger son is delightful, but I tell you, if shit is on the move it will likely stick on her. Why? I can't begin to understand it - she doesn't create turmoil or strife or disharmony or anything, she is unfailingly sweet, upbeat, supportive, joyful and generous. The universe is a bitch.

[Michele]

I had to chuckle throughout your post. :) I often wonder the same. What did I do to deserve some of the life experiences I've had... But, as my hubs says, it's what makes life so damn interesting... (well usually...)

[Dianne]

I think the universe is just effed up sometimes. Maybe it's a wrinkle that needs to be ironed out somehow or maybe there is a bigger message it is trying to deliver in the most possibly messed up way imaginable. It just doesn't make sense. And then to add insult to injury it makes us think more about why and how. A vicious circle really. If only to figure out the way to break it....

[andrea]

My god what I wouldn't give to have been on that first New York adventure with you. Hey, how about New York 2010, we may not be able to afford the Ritz, but I'll find us some damn fancy cheese logs to dine on ; )

When is our next date? I miss you!xoxo

[rottenrott]

Wow, I have lived with those same thoughts since childhood.

I think I was 12 years old when some jack-off started jacking off in his car at my bus stop looking at me, then looking back down at his dick. About two years later I got a card on valentines day with the sex video adds torn out from the back of a porn magazine from 'Kevin'. I didn't even know this Kevin, and I certainly was not old enough to see that bullshit.

I'm not quite sure what brings bad things to good people, or why some people have that type of attraction. I sure wish I did know though, cause then I could pack that juju up and send it somewhere far away.

[Applesauce]

I still think you're pretty. I think you are beautiful. Just beautiful.

[Mack]

Honestly, you are inspiration! Sounds kind of silly but I truly think you are amazingly strong. Fuck up shit happens to me all the time and I think damn is it just me? How can I be so damn unlucky? When do I get to inherit my house on easy street? Please don't stop writing and tell the people who judge to piss off! Don't know your friends but they awesome.

[Zakary]

1. NYC is scary.

2. I heart you.

[Rach]

I am a total freak magnet. I can't keep them away; they come in droves.

I think people with open hearts attract freaks.

[Amanda]

Is it wrong that I now have a continuous "video" playing in my head of a guy in a opened trench coat pressing his goods against the store window while singing, "Wish you were a wishing well, a kiss and tell...."?
I love you. You are a very strong woman who manages to wade her way through all the shit while still staying true to yourself.

[Heather]

i waited the whole post to see if the post was about the cosmos (as it was) or about cosmos (short for cosmopolitans) which it wasn't!

that is some scary, crazy stuff. i've been to NYC hundreds of times and by myself as a young skinny teen and have seen none of that. i love nyc. and actually if your friend would like to take an historical wlaking tour while there (which i highly recommend and stay way from times square, etc. as much as possible) i can e-mail you a schedule (they don't advertise).

unfortunately, the cosmos is a strange unwieldy, spiritual essence and not likely to answer.

[Neil]

I live in New York, and nothing like that ever happens to me. It must be YOU.

[Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas]

Wow. And I thought all the freaks were here in Vegas.

[180]

Ahhh.... that was fun! :) Think of how boring your life would be if you didn't have all these crazy stories to share.

Maybe if I'm lucky, Neil will pop out of a dark alley in a trench coat! HAHAHA!

[Kristen]

I like to think it means you are strong enough to handle that stuff when others couldn't. But that sounds pretty corny when pondering creepy dudes and their naked junk and Chinese mafia-types, etc. Sigh.

[Suzy Cassel-Yanez]

I cant help but laugh! You are not the only freak magnet. I go to the damn gas station and comment on the weather to the normal looking guy getting gas next to me and I suddenly learn all about his ex wife, dead dog, and financial woes.
I got flashed at 12, some dickwad rode a bicycle in front of me waving his freak flag...
I had my 3rd child, FINALLY a planned pregnancy...Only to have him born with congential heart defects and a club foot, and IUGR. And this was the pregnancy I did everything right! Took prenatals 3 months in advance, etc...
And to top it all off I have been hit on by more women then men. And I am MARRIED.

[Lindsay]

Oh my gosh, each in their own way I have a sister and two other girlfriends with the same cosmos. I have taken to calling it "the dodo bird" -- it always flies over you -- sometimes casting a rosy pink haze that makes everything blissful and then, often most unexpectedly, taking a big crap on your head. A funny world we live in! thank you for sharing your stories -- they are all about all of us, through your eyes.

[Jessica]

Not to worry, in a couple of weeks we can make it all about me, no you, no me, no you...:)! Just know that you and the dear Lord above are carring me through these days with the mother in law. How did her son turn out so wonderful from such an effed up family????? Let me know your thoughts on that one...lots of love to you!

[Martha Craig]

All part of life's rich tapestry, or something. Thanks for visiting my (very neglected) blog. I've tried to comment here before and been foiled by a) not having the right words to say or b) not being able to comment for some internetty voodoo shizz reason.

[Rosetta]

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who live insane, complicated lives, and those who you don't know very well.

[M]

Okay, I'm sure pervey Mr. Wall Street man was terrifying at the time, but it sure is hysterical in the retelling! You really cracked me up.

[Haley-O]

In yoga, they always say to pray, and then just be receptive to the answer.... They also say that we mapped out our lives before we even got here to determine what kind of life, what events, would best teach us the lesson(s) we need to learn...cosmically. I know that doesn't help. But it's one theory. Sweet Thalon came for a short time to teach you something, and so that you could teach the world something. As you do, so poignantly, by representing grief, real human emotions, in the raw right here. Exemplifying BEING REAL is such a beautiful service.... You inspire us all. xoxo

[Kristabella]

You know, I was thinking about a post to write where lately, I've been that person who always interjects to talk about myself (which I HATE as well) and I blame it on blogs. Because you come to a site to comment and you share a story or anecdote to relate to the post you just read. And in fact, all we're doing is talking about ourselves all the time.

Or, maybe that is just me.

[Lyndsey]

I think you're think of Sally Fields' acceptance speech: You like me, you really like me. :)

[Cynnie]

did i ever mention i was a pervert ?

I would LOVE for some creep to flash me ..
I'd laugh my ass off..
but then i havent been a virgin for many decades :(

[this new place]

oh my gawd. you had me at terrence trent darby! (I totally forgot about him!) I am totally laughing, sorry. i have seen too many wangers in my life hanging out, but no one has ever actually said anything/asked. ugh!

[TUWABVB]

That is the most f-ed trip to NYC that I have ever heard of...and I lived there for a long time! But seriously, the next time you plan a trip, please let me know - I'd love to be at your side so I can dole out the punishment deserved to such societal perverts!