tell me what you want, what you really, really want

A list of truly random shit a-happenin' in these neck of the woods for your reading pleasure:

a) My car broke down in 106 degree weather with both kids in attendance on Wednesday. As you can only imagine, I danced a super kick-ass jig and thought only happy thoughts. A big shout out to Susan who didn't kick us out of the Pharmacy with my kids spilling cokes on their carpeted floor, marking things, furniture and meds with Sharpie markers and running into expensive equipment with their heads. Hopefully, the coke machine still works after our adventurous stay.

b) I went to my "scheduled" OB/GYN appointment today to only be told, the lovely and adept receptionist from six weeks ago? Scheduled my "psych med" consult for 2010 instead of today. Luckily, when I broke down in tears in front of 30 pregnant women and a very stunned staff during my truly embarrassing demise, the new receptionist somehow found an appointment for me tomorrow to go all crazy again for the masses.I guess they didn't think I could wait a few weeks, let alone another year for such a meeting.

c) Today, I totally realized, Celia can sing "Eye of the Tiger" and Moira can sing "Creep" by Radiohead better than I could ever being to try. Drunk or sober. Have I mentioned they can't read? I'm not sure if I should be either proud or mortified by these results.

d) Celia has become quite depressed to find out that Jon of  "Jon and Kate plus 8" is dating another woman or should I say "Girl?" Horrified to be exact. She found out the dirty diddy from my new US magazine in today's mail. Didn't I just state, she can't read? I think she's totally withholding information from me with regards to her reading skills.

e) A June bug flew into my ear this evening to only fly out and get trapped in my hair. I think I need therapy over this event. And you ask why NOW I'm considering therapy after all I've been through? BECAUSE A JUNE BUG ALMOST DEAFENED ME AND I DON'T THINK MY HAIR WILL EVER BE THE SAME AGAIN! That is why.

f) I needed to eat a snack (okay, I WANTED  a snack) after eating a 4 piece Ravioli meal from Lean Cuisine this evening. Sadly, the snack was half a bag of Lay's "Classic" potato chips and well, my lips will never be the same as they have swollen to triple the amount prescribed by Botox standards from the massive amounts of salt encrusted on them there chips. Let's just say, the look isn't cute on me.

g) Today is my Father's birthday and I failed to do one damn thing about it. Didn't send a card or call. I most definitely didn't send the package of pictures some kind soul sent to me from Mesquite, Texas which were found by a dumpster back in June. Pictures of my wedding , half-sister's youth and my step-mother's childhood. Part of me wants to believe he didn't pay for his storage unit and the staff threw them away as useless shit instead of believing my father decided my sister and I are really not worth holding onto. (Don't even begin to suggest I need to go to counseling on this subject. Why the hell do you think I spent all my many years in Psychology due to this subject?)

h) Finally, since I'm not good with lists and I don't have it in me to try to list more items through Z, I've decided, I think I'm going slightly insane. Why now do you think I've finally tipped over the proverbial edge? Mainly because, I want another child. Specifically, I want Thalon back but since I know this isn't humanly possible and well, as luck would have it, we would probably have another girl (not that girls aren't great and all....) - I want another child. And YES! I don't particularly like baby babies - I have to admit, I sure liked having little Man around. It seems, I feel cheated and truly enjoyed babydom for once. Maybe even appreciated him since he was going to be our last spawn. or maybe, I'm totally romanticizing the whole event since his life abruptly ended. Who knows. Who really knows?

So, how's that for ending a half-assed list of nothingdom? Man, I thought I was doing pretty good here until I got to the letter I. Maybe, I should have ended with G, instead.

Comments

[Zakary]

A. The Oklahoma heat does not PLAY. Sorry about your car.

B. I vote trade the car in. I think you will be forgiven.

C. 2010? Why. can't. people. do. their. jobs.

D. Girl group, perhaps?

E. My daughter reads dListed over my shoulder and is all "What's a Hot Slut?" Reading is overrated.

F. Junebugs are mainly what caused me to leave OK. Little fuckers.

G. The Lean Cuisine paninis are actually quite good.

H. I don't blame you one bit for not calling.

I. I can't believe someone else admitted it, but I don't really like baby babies either. And I think you should indeed have another. You make very pretty babies.

[M]

Shit, I'm sorry about your car. What a pain in the ass. Also about the scheduling screw up - glad they could get you in quickly. I think it'd be great if you had another baby!

[sassy]

I had a bug go in my ear once and STAYED IN THERE for like four hours, most of which was spent by me screaming like I had turrets syndrom and scratching at the side of my face in the waiting room of a doctor's office. He used a mini-turkey baster (ear baster?) so swish water up into my ear cavity and flush it out.

Did you really want to know that?

[laura]

gosh sorry for so much crap, as for the car deal just been there and done that crap last week. as for the dad thing just found mine after an 8 year "see ya" and what the eff do ya say, soooo i totally get ya on that.peace and love always in our prayers :)

[Sarah]

A. The car? that sucks hairy dogs balls.
B. Ditto
C. Seriously? But am glad you got another app.
D. Be proud.
E. I think Jon is an asshole.
F. Nothing a good hair straightener won't fix. Screw therapy. (for all healthcare professionals reading, that was meant in a tongue in cheek fashion)
G. I'm on a permanent diet so I sympathise wholeheartedly.
H. I got nothing.
I. Not insane and for this one, I'm just keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. xxxx

[Sarah]

Oh man, you really don't get a break. Your girls sound like they are pretty rockin'!! As for the baby thing, I'm right with you on that one. DH completely isn't right now. How about yours? Man, it shouldn't even be on the radar. Lots of prayers coming your way.

[lisa wood]

insane? Never, A mum with a shitty situation? Yep that about sums it up.
*Wanting Thalon back, yep totally get trade the car in (make it someones else problem).
*of course she can read...pictures like my boy can (hey he is only seven!!)
*Bugs...yuck!!
*Doctors and their office staff..double yuck!!
*Wanting another baby...totally get
Thinking of you..good things are sure to come, tomorrow is another day.
Stay you, cause you and your family are gorgeous.
Wishing you the best, and thinking of you.
Lisa.

[Miri]

oh man,sorry about your car.
we don't use our car cause we can't afford petrol. great,huh? we pay like 300 a month for it & don't use it.
i don't talk to my dad either.
& the wanting a baby? I really get that. I am still too scared though, people in my family miscarry a lot.
Let me know if there's anything i can do.
<3
Miri

[Lynn from For Love or Funny]

I'd like to "ditto" Zakary's comments. Plus, I had no idea that Junebugs flew into people's ears. If I ever go to OK, I'm wearing a hat with big ol' ear flaps.

Hoping today is a heck of a lot better than yesterday,
Lynn

[Vicky]

Personally, I think the Junebug incident alone could cause a person to go insane.

[Shannon Kieta]

Shana...
HAVE ANOTHER BABY!!! That would be great! You are healthy, there is no reasoning you physically CAN'T have one right? Not that you would be replacing Thalon... No one could EVER replace that prince! We could just "add" to the beauty of that amazing gene pool of yours! I am sure whatever you decide will be the right decision for you and your family. You have my vote! Shannon

[erin]

You crack me up. Wanting another baby - go for it - a new babe to love will help you to heal.

[a]

Cars suck. Parts are ridiculous. It would be better if we could walk everywhere, but if it's going to be 106, that idea is unreasonable. Sigh. Trade in the lemon...

I would need therapy for a bug stuck in my hair.

You don't like babies. I like babies, but I'm not that fond of the toddler through teenager years. Maybe we can work something out...

[Carol]

I'm so embarassed that I know this, but after eating so many chips that your lips are puffy and burned, drink a glass of milk. It works. Let's just say that I have food "issues"....

[Kristie]

I think Zakary is a genius ... I agreed with every single thing he said. (hence, the reason he is a genius.) :)

June bugs are the devil's work. I DESPISE THEM. I refuse to go near our front door all summer if the porch light is on because those nasty little fuckers are zipping around everywhere and what people don't realize is that they have claws, CLAWS, I'm telling you, that will attach to you or your clothes or whatever they can grab ahold of and just stick there. (shudder) God, I hate them.

And I don't like babies either. Wait, that's not true. I love babies. I just love them MORE after they are a few months old. :)

You should definitely have another one. Thalon could never be replaced, but that doesn't mean you still don't have plenty of love to share with another one.

[Shelli]

I have a very neurotic fear of June bugs.

I'm sorry about your car and inadequate receptionists who are stupid besides and for your lips all swollen and for your loss of Thalon. I wish you could have him back. I really do.

[Kristie]

OK, now I feel like an idiot ... I just went to Zakary's site only to discover "he" is a "she" ....

sorry, Z.

[Laura]

June bugs are the devils spawn.
Car issues suck.
Incompetent workers should be beaten.
Totally understand the baby wants.

[a madhouse wife]

Oh, you had me laughing out loud! But not about the car because that shit is not funny. Kinda more about the June bug (I hate those things) and the kids tearing up the pharmacy (because I can SO relate) and maybe the salted lips after the "snack" (mostly because my snack the last two nights made me feel so dirty I had to run before and shower after).

And I don't think it's insane at all to want another baby.

[Sarah]

I understand your desire to have another baby completely. Since my baby was born (last November) I've been suffering from postnatal depression, my baby had a cataract which has needed surgery and horrendous post-op treatment (including covering her good eye for half the day making her effectively blind), am about to become homeless, and yet still all I can think about is having another baby. Please tell me it's hormones.

[sizzle]

I like lists and this one is epic.

I think your kids are just following in yours and Rich's footsteps with the singing, right? They learned from the masters!

[Brenda]

If you're serious about the car part being unavailable....email me. I work for an insurance company in Canada, and I'll check our parts network and ship it to you if it can be found.

Brenda

[Kellie]

http://shop.saeparts.com/product.sc?categoryId=102&productId=396

I googled your part. The above site says they have one. There also appear to be at least one on ebay, strangely enough.

[Tanya]

I don't understand it. Was yesterday some gigantic cosmic full moon that no one knew about? EVERY person I knew had a bad day yesterday. My husband and neighbor got into a shouting match over.....ant spray. The neighbor won when she told him to stick the ant spray up his ass. My sister, friends, landlord, boss, children and grandchild all were growling, bitching, whining, arguing hellions. Everyone was asleep by 10 (thereby saving their lives)I had 2 shots of tequilia, a dove ice cream bar and 3 midol.
As long as you can see the humor in this, you will be okay. When you don't....that's whem you end up on a water tower with a small arsenal and a sketchy plan on how the day will end.
I hate June bugs also. When you ride a motorcycle and they hit your chest, it feels like a rock slamming into you.

[GingerB]

How cool that your readers are finding your car parts?!? I am too lame. Don't you love crying in a room full of other people? I do a lot of that lately what with a sometimes sickly and sometimes perfectly well baby. I rather doubt I ever appear sane when my kids are involved. You should get a whole bottle of Xanax for the June bug. Accckkkk. Hope the karaoke of the weekend lifts your spirits!

[m]

i too felled bummed by jon. i used to feel bad for him, now i just hate him. i love how he's like, too fucking cool for school now too.

and how do you even meet your plastic surgeon's daughter???

[180]

Okay correct me if I'm wrong, but the June bugs I know are like 1 inch in diameter and sparkly green. The used to scare the living daylights out of me when I lived in San Diego! I can't even remember anything else on your list right now. ACCKKKKKK.

[whoorl]

June Bugs are THE WORK OF THE DEVIL. (Sorry about your car, mama.)

[Melissa in TN]

I'm sorry to hear about your pictures being found by a dumpster but glad someone was nice enough to send them to you (I am a picture nut). The sperm donor did not deserve a card or call or anything.

I think a baby would be wonderful!

I can just see your girlies in the pharmacy :).

[Julie Shaner]

Just think, after a day like that things can only get better, right??????
As for wanting a baby, I can totally understand.
Hang in there, it is FRIDAY......
Oh, I can't hear Lady GAGA without thinking of your daughters....I almost fall off the treadmill at the gym when I hear that song....I am a teacher and think that is TOO FUNNY!!!!

[Linda Wilkes]

Shana,
Here are another couple of places that appear to have the part you need for your car:

http://www.trademotion.com/partlocator/index.cfm?action=searchCatalogOEM&siteid=213787
http://shop.saeparts.com/product.sc?categoryId=102&productId=396

Good luck getting it fixed, goodness knows you have enough to deal with apart from car troubles.

[Linda]

Oops, sorry, just realised I duplicated one of the car part links. Linda

[courtney]

Have another baby...you are a wonderful mommy and I think you make wonderful, fun, and exciting kids! Giving Thalon a younger brother or sister is a great idea and he would love it. Babies are healing, and honey you deserve the happiness!

Damn June bugs!

[Essie]

Ugh, I have car problems myself right now. I mean, if I need to go over 20 mph's I have car problems. If I need to look in a rearview mirror to check my hair, I have a problem and if I were curious as to the status of the gas tank, well, it appears to be filling back UP with gas. Cool!

[Cheryl]

Okay, I am not usually a commenter, but... embarrassingly enough I had to google Junebug and came across this gem, "When toasted in hot ashes, the internal body parts and juices of the bug congeal into a nugget of pure golden nutrition. After peeling off shriveled legs, wings, and wing case, the remaining orb of nourishment can be eaten one at a time or by the handful.

Toasted June bugs have a surprisingly sweet delightful taste. The flavor closely resembles thick raw molasses or crudely made ribbon cane syrup. It is difficult to eat just one."

Apparently they have something in common with your potato chips. Yuk!

Babies, good. Junebugs, bad.

[layla]

I just freakin' love you. As i was reading this before my next meeting i seriously almost spit all over the computer screen as i unexpectedly snorted with laughter. You crack me up. Go shana... Go shana...uh huh...its not your birthday...go shana...woooo hoooooooo! call me and let me know what the doc says. love you love you love you!

[Kristabella]

I don't think it is insane at all.

What the hell is a Junebug? I don't think we have those in Chicago. Unless that is what people in Oklahoma call flies.

And I love that your kids read or should I say "read" US Weekly. Although I do not love that your daughter likes Jon.

[Shauna McGlynn]

I thought I was going to be so original and type my comment in list form....everyone beat me to it. I don't know what a June Bug is (living in California and all) but a bug in my ear would give me the heebies. I got an $1800 estimate for my car yesterday, too, but HEY they can find the part so I will be "glass half full" about it now :) I have also had melt downs of epic proportions in the OB office. If they do their jobs correctly, they wouldn't have to deal with that. Too bad for them. I totally get you wanting another baby. I would too.

Love and Peace, Shauna

[Amanda]

Your lists are awesome!
And I think the pharmacist should've thrown you a few free bottles of Xanax after seeing what you have to put up with daily. I mean, I would've. And fuck your car. Trade that thing in.
As far as another baby, do what's right for you. You do make gorgeous children. I know you'd never be replacing Thalon. He's too amazing to replace. Hopefully your day goes much better today.

[Whiskeymarie]

Ugh- the Junebug incident would cause me to go into seclusion for a year. Those things are dis.gus.ting.

Sorry for the big pile of shit dropped on your doorstep lately, toots. Would it help if I send vodka? A nanny? Anything?

[Rebecca]

A. Trade the car, maybe you can get the cash for clunkers deal.
B. Ditto
C. I would not have handled it quite as graciously as you. I am glad that you got another appointment.
D. Be proud.
E. I think that show needs to go off the air so that these parents can work out their issues without the cameras. And press.
F. Your hair is probably better for it, you are gorgeous!
G. I'm on a see food diet. I see food, I eat it.
H. I got nothing.
I. I wish that we could have a child, but in almost 9 years it never happened for us. Someone upstairs must have other plans for us. But you do make gorgeous children, must run in the gene pool!

[Lex ~ @laprimera]

I am so horrified by your June Bug incident that I am in continuous shudder mode. I HAAAAAATE June bugs. I think I would need to be committed if that happened to me. YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Middle-Aged-Woman]

Okay, one - get the psych meds thing down before thinking about a new pregnancy. I speak from experience. Also? with all the shit in your life, are you seriously on a DIET? WTF woman! You have my blessing to go out and have a cheeseburger with fries. AND a shake. Treat yourself with over-kindness for a little. Diets are a punishment. When you get preggers again, you can eat like a saint.

[Debby Pucci]

I can't believe what I am reading. OMG girl! ((HUGS))

[bethany actually]

My dad, a mechanic, is always going to a junkyard-type place where there are hundreds and hundreds of old cars, arranged by make, and you pay something like $10 to go hunting among the cars for whatever part you need. You have to get it off the car yourself, but still! Might be worth a look if nothing else pans out.

[Heather]

not insane, do what feels right.

[Annie]

I think you should have another child if you want to. Why the hell not? (P.S. I dont like babies either and I had 4)

[moseyalong]

June bugs are the sole reason I moved away from where I was born. Okay, maybe it was a job offer, but still. I mean really - you go for an innocent amble down the street on a fine spring/summer day and they fly straight into your forehead! Or your mouth, if it happens to be open.

Makes me all oogy just thinking about it.

[Tai]

Um, I just ate a huge-ass salad, and now I want some Lay's potato chips... salty lips be damned!

I agree with Tanya- yesterday was THE SHITTIEST DAY EVER! Too many people (me included) in heat-induced bad moods. Lots of crying, from 1 years olds to 44 year olds. High drama.

And your readers rock! Hope you can get your car fixed!!!

(ps, if I tell you what I want, could you make it come true? isn't this how this site works?)

[Karen]

I've never commented on your site before, but I'm a fan and I love that you publicize your raw emotions. After all, this IS the "real world" isn't it?

Anyways, I just wanted to say that my first 2 babies (twin boys) died after being born too early. I then went on to have 2 beautiful and ENERGETIC little girls. I feel blessed for sure, but no one gets (especially my husband) why I want a third. Sometimes I think I'm crazy too. And I get that of course it would never be a replacement; it's just this crazy internal feeling I can't seem to shake.

So if it makes sense to you to have another one, don't think twice girl ;)