space/time continuum

WOW! I did not know there were so many sick folks out there like me who have or may not have an obsession with Big Brother (and I like it)!  Let's just say for the record, Jeff better motherfucking win this stupid game or I'm boycotting this show. Until next year....

He has the right amount of "guns" combined with a beautiful mixture of self-deprecation folded into the batter, if you know what I mean. I'll gladly forgive him and his inability to read "Coup D'Etat" correctly. Give the eye-candy a break, okay?

***************************************************************************************

Hey, you! Anonymous! Obviously you never read my disclaimer with regards to my subjective use of grammar and the inability to know how to punctuate. By the way? I used it correctly in my last post. You must have been high as a kite on your high-horse to try to call me out on the title. Because if you were a fan of Big Brother you would know, the phrase is "IT IS TECHNOTRONIC!" OR IT'S is MOTHERFUCKING correct! It's all semantics, baby. It's all semantics.

Man, I don't take criticism very well, do I? Carry on to obsess with my drinking and cursing habits instead, shall we? I can take these criticisms way better. (and yes, I know this sentence structure is crappy at best.)

***************************************************************************************

I went to a concert Saturday evening in which sadly, there were very few in attendance. "The English Beat"  minus most of it's members but including Dave, performed all my favorites while I jumped/Ska'd around like a dumb-assed fool. By the third to the last song, I realized that my 40-year-old ass should slow the hell down as I was about to have an asthma attack and my body was going into operation overload from all the "exercise" it was not used to performing. By the time I made it home, I felt a full-on flu coming on. You know, body chills, bone-numbing pain flared it's ugly head. I realized at 1:30am, I am no longer a twenty-year-old and should chill the hell out.

Onto positive news? I wasn't the oldest person in attendance. Go team Gorillabuns! "I know you still have a little life left in you yet!" (Name the song and artist in the last phrase and I'll send you a box of "Bloopers" chocolates from Russell Stover if I haven't consumed them before the final answer is given otherwise, I'll have to figure out a special prize in your honor.

Anyway, my mother happened to babysit our children this particular evening when I sprung on her that Rich was going in one direction and I was going onto another. I think she was slightly pissed she wasn't going to the concert with me as SHE was the one who introduced "The English Beat" to me and my burgeoning music obsessed-self starting in the 80's and before.

But what about the children? They can't watch themselves? I selfishly thought to myself, because, yes, I'm selfish. and well, depressed. very depressed.

I then realized with cold, hard reality settling in,when I took my mother to see the Nine Inch Nails/Marilyn Manson/Jim Rose Circus Show concert for her birthday, she was 44 - NOT that I'm 44 but I NOW know how my mother felt. Not that I thought she was old at the time but hell, I was 24 at the time. My mother was the one shouting out the lyrics to "bow down to the one you serve" while thinking we might be going to hell watching Brian screaming and shouting out to the devil while marveling at the strength of someone's nipples holding bar-bells while screaming at a fool for lying on a bed of nails.

"Shana, I'm no Karen Carpenter, John Denver, ELO, 70's bullshit music loving fool! You know we only listened to Rufus/Chaka Khan, Brother's Johnson and PBS Classical music. I've never been like your friend's parents nor will I ever be.....I appreciate current music for what it is! not what is was!"

This is probably why, my mother has not found someone like her to mate for the rest of her life. The men her age like bullshit music, 20-year-old women and don't know shit about literature. I do believe my mother was born waaay before her time.

But really, in reality, my mother is way cooler than I and knows more about new and current music than I do. Sometimes, I do believe my mother and I are living a "Freaky Friday"  existence. I'm the 'ol fuddy-duddy and she's the hip one living in a surreal existence while working a boring and mundane job. Man, life's a bitch, isn't it?

***************************************************************************************

Now onto matters that I KNOW I don't excel in like math. Today, while trying to compute the tip from lunch with the family, I had to use my fingers like a Kindergartner on their first day of school to figure out what 7 + 6 equaled. Yes, I'm quite dumb in the mathematical department. Never claimed to be anything more. Ask my mother about flash cards in my youth and how I still suck my thumb while curled in the corner when confronted with "what is 4 X 9! We just went over this equation, damn-it!"

***************************************************************************************

To further my example of mathematical ineptitude? Celia needed 24 #2 pencils in which a full and complete packet was not available. My mind happened to go numb with both fear and over-stimulation at Target while trying to figure out how many pencils divided into the number 8.

I do believe my pre-schooler figured out the equation before me, even though she was not in our presence.

Have I mentioned I went to Graduate School? Maybe I shouldn't really tout this fact.....

***************************************************************************************

As mentioned on Twitter this evening, I haven't balanced our household checkbook since Thalon died. That would be four months if you were actually trying to calculate the time with your hands using your opposable thumbs. Strangely enough, I haven't bounced any checks post-Thalon's death as I did BEFORE he died.

I guess I'm better with numbers than I thought I was.

***************************************************************************************

On a somber note, as I am wont to do: Yesterday happened to be the anniversary of my Grandfather's death. 11 years ago to be exact. Bruce was his name and I love/loved him something fierce. He was more like my father than my Grandfather or my actual crappy-ass father.

Yesterday also happened to be four months since Thalon Bruce died. The similarities in the two are quite odd and well, quite heartbreaking.

Also, it's official. Thalon has been out of our lives longer than he was in "ours" in the first place. The days seem to be fleeting to say the very least. Like a tragic ghost silently roaming the hallways - trying to catch a glimmer of life for the sake of former loved ones.

So, yea, I'm feeling quite happy and bubbly inside lately.....so, don't take it personally if I haven't returned your phone calls or emails or totally rolled an important party as I have lost all track of space and time. and reality.

Comments

[Tracy in Huntington Beach, CA]

I think you should tell the people that leave comments on your blog about your grammar, spelling or syntax to GO GET FUCKED WITH SOMETHING BLUNT AND SANDPAPER LIKE. HARD. Douche bags....yeah...you really write about your life so they can pick apart your conjunctions? Total fucktards.

[MelissaS]

I know I'm too late but it's Kate Bush, Woman's Work from She's Having a Baby soundtrack.....played while she's in labor with Kevin B sitting in the waiting room.

[sarah baker]

you are an absolute savior to me i lost my baby boy on april 22 i read your site faitfully everday however i cant email but would love to i feel like im reading my life our circumstances are very simalir.... please contact me if you can find time my email is [email protected] please contact your fellow panther!!!

[Harper Graham]

I'm obsessed with Big Brother too. Moreso than blogging, that eating sunflower seeds, than sleeping till noon.