vacation is all i ever wanted. vacation happened to get away

The Gorillabuns household went on a vacation.

A vacation indeed. A three day tour to be exact with friends who met up with us from the East coast.

Between here and Kansas City, Kansas, the first leg was full of drama, whiskey-fox-trots and well, more drama. Who knew one could spend so much time in a Traveling T truck stop bathroom while simultaneously trying to flush the automatic flushers with all the other truck-stop whores in your midst to only leave, come back and ask for more private time with the only working stall among four defunct stalls. Let me say, I'm a damn good actress but even I can't act my way out of a good IBS moment. I left humiliated and well, scared from this event.

After putting us behind our destination time OF AN HOUR, we made it to the Great Wolfe Lodge of Kansas City.

As you can see from this picture, Rich, Moira and story-time with an acid-trippy tree don't mix. Even with a cocktail tightly gripped in his hand. Luckily, I was saved from this hell and went to dinner with our friend, Jessica. This dinner was full of tears, conversation, a cocktail or two and a long-ass winding story on how our waitress made it from LA to Kansas City to only wait tables at a BBQ restaurant. Something to with being a nanny and an ex-boyfriend was twirled around in the mix. Quite honestly, the 30 minute dissertation pretty much made my brain bleed and my companion almost pass out from low blood sugar.

Note to waitstaff: When a patron sucks down a drink in 3.2 minutes? It's customary to ask if she is a) thirsty for another b) bored c) wants to commit suicide because she wants to cut you with her steak knife due to your birth story. and no, I'm not talking about me. I'm talking about my friend I was with during such a lengthy tail. So, there people. FOR ONCE! Someone out drank me in a timely manner.  (love ya, Jessica! It was a proud moment for me.)

Obviously, Moira enjoyed the shooting geysers at the water park. Mollie, our friend's child, learned to go with it and just sit on the hole. She's quite a smart study.

After this picture was taken, exactly 30 minutes later, Moira sharted her pants and complained of finding a bucket to puke in. STAT!

Exactly, 35 minutes after this picture was taken, Celia sharted her pants. This is when I started looking for mixers to go with my own personal stash of Vodka.

This is also the part in which I was judged on Facebook for writing such a thing. Not the sharting part but the Vodka part. You see, under no certain circumstances should I joke about alcohol anymore. If so, I'm deemed an alcoholic who needs serious help and needs to go to AA. Ummm.... okay, I'm so glad everyone seems to have a live Big Brother feed up my stupid ass because last I checked, I was sober the whole time and well, I'm truly getting so sick and tired of all the judgy mcjudgersons out there. 

So let this be a notice to EVERYONE: Don't mention how I need to stop drinking and start taking care of my kids because guess what hack-jobs! I don't drink all the time and I do take care of my kids. The judgers would be quite proud to know, I fed my spawn more than three meals yesterday! GASP!!! Yes, I do sound like the character from "When a Man loves a Woman", don't I?

Anyway, while everyone swam, rode slides and generally pruned their bodies to a cold corpse-like status, I spent a lot of quality time with John, our friend's sweet, sweet son. He happens to be exactly one month older than Thalon.  I contemplated stealing him because he was the easiest baby in the world but soon realized, our friend's know where we live and well, I didn't know where the keys were to my car for my get-away.

As in true vacation form, kids are crabby and not-so appreciative of the amounts of money being spent, the horror of having to put on bathing suits for their fun and amusement,  and the exhaustion and frustration felt when they melt-down to epic portions, while embarrassing you in front of your friends, foe and country men. 

Other than the endless tantrums, eating BBQ more times than I can count (yes, my colon will never forgive me), we had a great vacation. I know, sharting and tantrums = great vacation?

Yes, it does because the great part not only came out of leaving our current oppressive surroundings for a couple of days, hanging out with great friends and not worrying about life in general but most of all, I was truly appreciative of our friends trying to keep Thalon's memory alive while we were in their company. As most of our friends, family and acquaintances alike, lately it seems everyone has tried to forget him, ignore us when speaking about him or even cringe when we want to continue talking about him because people, HE DID EXIST! The lack of emotion or discussion has really become quite hurtful to both Rich and I. Kinda like, "well, he was here but now he's not and well, we've forgotten and so should you and please for the love of God, don't bring him up because this subject makes us way too uncomfortable." 

Thankfully, our friends made room for "Thalon" and acted like he should have been there. Like he was in some strange sort of way there with us and didn't think we were all kinds of crazy in wishing he was while talking about how much he would have enjoyed himself had he really been there. in the flesh instead of spirit.

 

Comments

[Middle-Aged-Woman]

In 1986 we lost our best friend, who had sung for us at our wedding, to two assholes who carjacked him. I desperately wanted to talk about him and feel like he was still there, but people avoided the topic of Mark like the plague. Since then, I have offered that as my best gift and service to people who are hurting after a loss so near. Better than a casserole, and you can do it long distance.

[Middle-Aged-Woman]

You need to call and talk? Girlfriend, you e-mail me. I'm there for you with my cell phone.

[kate]

God, sometimes vacations suck. Really, really suck. Sometimes getting home is the sweetest part. Oh my. I think we exalt the idea of vacation and it's often hard pressed to live up to expectations; I know I do. Some fine writing though....and don't give a thought to the vodka deal; how else are you going to get by?

Best to you and the family and Theron's memory. I'm thinking of you. God Bless.

[kate]

oops. I'm so sorry. Thalon's memory. I'm sorry.

[Sue @ Laundry for Six]

That is a lot of shart for one vacation. Ack.

I love the last part about your friends making room for Thalon. So many people don't know what to do when people are grieving. How wonderful of them. I actually had one friend "break up" with me when I had suffered the loss of a dear friend and needed to talk. She said she was sick of talking about it.

I think about Thalon every time I see a baby about that age. (And that baby has such gorgeous eyes cute, it must have been really hard not to steal him.) ;-)

[Aunt Becky]

A whole lot of shart.

Thinking of all of you, duder.

[Melissa]

Don't feel bad because some jackasses can't take a joke. Just imagine how dreadfully booorrriiinngg their lives are. That's why they have to be in everyone elses's business. I think vodka is very justified after 2 kids shart in their pants at the waterpark. Maybe even tequila.
xoxo

[Cynnie]

my parents were both teetotalers .. once in awhile they'd go out and leave my aunt betty to babysit us 5 girls..
It was GREAT!!

Betty would pass out drunk about an hour after she got there and me and my oldest sister would drink the rest of her drink and watch bad tv..

good memories

[De Anna]

Is it just me or is sharting hilarious?! I know it's not funny when your kids are suffering or you have to clean it up but c'mon... If you can't laugh about it you'll want to punch yourself in the face.
My friends husband sharted in Las Vegas once, on the strip. He thought he needed to be skinny for the trip (like a GIRL)so he took that fecal leakage diet pill. Unfortunately, he didn't stop it soon enough and sharted. She made him throw his underwear in the garbage. He was sad. It was funny.

If your ducks aren't in a row at home. If everything isn't just so - vacations are not worth it. It's like friggin' New Years eve. The anticipation and expectation to have a good time is enough to make me slip in my own s*it.

I'm glad you got away. Glad you're home. Thrilled that your friends are kind and smart enough to remember Thalon and wish aloud that he was there.

I've voiced my opinion about your drinking before. "Your drinking" ohhhh *shudders* Screw 'em if they can't take a joke. I can't believe people think you're seriously walking around wasted or getting hammered. I don't know you personally and even I know it's not the case. A picture of you with a bottle of vodka in one hand and a redbull in the other should really piss them off. Double fist it, baby!

Hang in there. We're all pulling for you. :)
Much love

[a]

I'm pretty sure that sharting and tantrums = VODKA. In any language. Do people not understand hyperbole?

I'm glad that your friends knew the right way to include Thalon in your vacation - he's always there, so he should definitely be included.

[Yo Mama]

Sugar, The pics are classic vacation - you've seen Al's & mine - teenage "me" glaring at the camera from the side of the road somewhere, and Al being Al, and always Schotzie peeing on some cactus/tree/rock. You have to love all these times - they are great.
And, I love every blog title - kind of a soundtrack of your life.
Love you!!!

[Kami]

That first picture cracks me up, I am pretty sure I would have looked the same had I been in his place.

And for the love of PETE! Why do people not get that you are just expressing your frustration with the talk of alcohol? I get it. I do it. Repeatedly. My mom even gets it (and that is saying a lot).

I have a friend her lost her daughter at 6 months and I love how she talks about her. It doesn't make me uncomfortable. I hate that people think we should not talk about this stuff. And also? Thank you for sharing your perspective because it will help people understand how to treat people who have lost someone.

[Michele]

why do people treat average drinking like a crime???

glad you had such a great vacation! the pics are great!

[rottenrott]

Heh, 'judgy mcjudgersons'. I like that.

Don't you think that most of these crazies that spend time focusing on the things that they see as your flaws might be time better spent on their own? I think so!

Yep, I do indeed think they should reevaluate their focus. Maybe to something a little closer to home.

[Sara]

Talking to your friends about their dead children sucks. But you want to know what? IT IS IMPORTANT.
The same way that talking about my Nana is important.
A life is no less important simply because it's short. Thalon is important. Period.
Keep doing what you do, vodka and all. ;)

[Dianne]

Oh vacations...Aren't they fun? ;P

As for talking about Thalon keep doing it! You're right it is important and if people don't get that then that's their problem!

[Hallie]

Sounds like those friends are keepers.

And people who judge? Screw them and the apparent holy ground they walk on. Oh and then send them my way...I'll smarten them up with a few dozen jello shots!

Hallie
http://wonderfulworldofweiners.blogspot.com/

[Whiskeymarie]

Sorry, but I totally laughed at the sharting- on FB and here.

A good story: I have a friend that worked as a courier. One day after a particularly late night involving much alcohol and Taco John's, he wasn't feeling so hot while working his route. While walking up some stairs to pick up a package, he felt the warmth and wetness of a nasty shart in his drawers. Not wanting to walk around in them all day, he stopped in the can and took them off. For whatever reason only he will ever know, he chose to NOT throw them away, but to carry them with him when picking up packages in that building.

Imagine his surprise when he got back to the van and the unders were no where to be found. To this day, he has no idea where they went or what unfortunate soul found them.

Yuk, but hilarious.

Will you take me with you to the water park next time? Please?

[Serena Yuen-Beltz]

Kids+Vacation=Adventure.

Kids+Vacation+Friends who get it=Better adventure

Kids with bad tummies on vacation=mom needs a time out after kids are taken care of and if she chooses, a libation (or two) because she has zero control over the situation and the libation will calm her down and not throw a tantrum in the process.

Thalon will always be your third child and we as readers will remember him and keep him alive in our hearts as well.

[Melissa Brake]

I'm glad you all had a great getaway...sharting and truck stop shitting included...even when we think moments are terrible, when we look back, we see all the humor in them =) Kids are wonderful, even in the poop, vomit, and tantrum moments =)
Always thinking of Thalon and you all...call or shoot me an email when you are free...would love to get together!!!
Miss and love you!!

[punchlinewalking]

I can't help it. Each time I read the word shart, I laugh like an idiot. It's awesome to have friends like yours, I'm glad they "made room" for Thalon (what a beautiful image...I might steal that one).

p.s. That lady on FB is a jerk and you are the bomb-ass-rap-song.

[M]

The word shart instantly reduces me to a 5-year-old. So funny! Though not when it happens, of course. Sounds like you had a typical family vacation, full of ups and downs. Don't worry - you and your kids will only remember the good stuff in retrospect. Glad you have such great friends!

It is important to talk about and remember those that are gone. I'm happy that Thalon was included in your trip. And you enjoy joking about and drinking vodka, lady! Some people really need to lighten the hell up.

[Applesauce]

I don't know a mother alive who wouldn't need a drink or two to recover from not just one, but two, public shartings. I'd have to dive into one of those fishbowl punch drinks that are meant for four people.

[Miss Kate]

I agree with Applesauce. Especially because I'm guessing it was wet bathing suit sharting? Yowza.

My first boyfriend as adult (OK, as a college student) died while we were "on a break" one summer. It was nothing even close to the loss you've experienced/are experiencing but it would just burn me when people would avert their eyes and shift their feet and change the subject. I don't know if they expected me to get over Frank's death or deal with it within their designated timeframe, but life does not not not work like that. You cannot stuff those feelings inside.

[Cat]

Oh my god, the poop trauma. There is nothing worse than gastrointestinal distress when you're not on your home court, if you know what I mean. Great photos, and it's a fucking travesty that Thalon isn't in them. Keep on truckin', mama!

[sizzle]

I'm glad you got to get away with good friends who are okay with talking about Thalon. It's so hurtful when people, out of their own discomfort, won't allow grieving people to express their feelings! Makes me want to punch them.

[R]

People are so stupid. I mean, not all of them, but a surprising percentage of them, that seems to increase more in numbers each years as I age. Do thy think they can read a couple lines in a post and sum a person up? I mean, if they knew you personally and you were often falling down drunk with flies bussing around your starving kids and filthy house, perhaps then an intervention would cross their minds. But in this scenario, they are either looking to be insulting or they are convinced that something terrible happened to you because you acted terribly and therefore if they not only chose another past but speak out against it, the hands of death surely will not reach out and grab one of their own. Basically, they suck either way.

Glad you had some fun, sharting and everything. Your girls are beautiful.

[R]

Yeah, my typos. That what you get for posting drunk (quick call SS on me!)

Anyways that would be flies *buzzing*, not bussing. And choose another path, not chose another past.

I'm alright, the world is all wrong.

[Shannon Kieta]

Sounds like you had a great vacation Shana! Glad everyone was happy. Thalon WAS there I am sure! He probably had a blast in the water! Any luck on the baby making yet? Keep us posted on that part eh? That's when you know who your real friends are. When you feel comfortable around them...always. They girls are adorable, even in tantrums! Mine throw them at least twenty times daily. KING AND QUEEN OF TANTRUMS!!!!! Take care!

[3carnations]

Sound like a great time (for the most part). Our friends went to the Great Wolf Lodge in Ohio this spring and had a blast.

[K]

Here is one of my many shart stories. Last weekend, I took my son and his friend fishing. We had to walk a long way, plus go down a lot of steps to get to the lake to fish. As soon as we got to the bottom, my son looked at me and whispered "I have to poop!" Now, this 8 year old does this too me all of the time. He waits until we are the furthest from a bathroom and tells me, so we can make a mad dash to the bathroom. He has crapped his pants at the carnival, Disney World, and having a "fart contest" with his sister. We ran up the stairs and got to the second set of stairs to go to the bathroom when he turned around and looked at me with a look of desperation. I asked if it was too late, he paused, kind of quivered, and starting crying. I couldn't help but laugh, I know it wasnt funny but it was either laugh or cry. We continued to go up the stairs to the bathroom as "fluid" dripped from his pants. Luckily, we had extra clothes in the van. I texted his dad and said, "Your son shit his pants." The reply was "What's new?"

Good Times!

Love your blog and if you want to have a vodka know and then, who gives a crap what people think! I GET that is a running joke here in your personal blog space. Not everything has to be taken so freaking literal, sheesh! A drink now and then doesnt make a bad parent.

[K]

Oh and P.S. if I lost my child, I doubt I could pull it together for my living children. Especially going on vacation. So Kudos to you! Your girls will remember this and know how strong of a woman you were, and unselfish.

[serenity]

I am totally in fifth grade. Because EVERY TIME you said 'shart' I giggled.

And very thankful that you have people in your life who GET it. Because your FB friends? Clearly don't.

xxx

[Kelly]

Well. My mother always enjoyed her margarita's. Now I enjoy them with her. Fuck who ever can't have a drink... :P boo. I always say I need a vodka on the rocks, but just cuz I need one doesn't mean I have one! It'd just be nice.

You should never forget Thalon is there.. he's always there, as a part of all of you. Good and bad memories... hopefully the good override the bad, but there are people who don't know how to deal with emotion & grief. Mainly rich people & men.. but who's counting?

*hugs*

[Alicia]

Anyone who thinks you drink too much is an idiot, and anyone who thinks you shouldn't be drinking too much is an idiot. You can do whatever you want! It fucking sucks that your little dude wasn't there with you, but I'm glad you got to get away. Even with the sharting.

[R]

I just realized this was said on FB. Honey, life is too short, defriend these people and add some new (better) ones in. FB is supposed to be fun, not a freaking lecture spot.

[mrsj]

Loved the rampant use of 'shart' as a verb in this blog post--kudos to you! Sad to say that, here in these parts, 'Schartz' is a pretty common last name. Even sadder to say that every time I hear it lately, I hear it as 'sharts.' As in, the present tense of the verb 'to shart.' This could all actually be funny if, you know, I wasn't a teacher. Reading someone's last name Schartz off a roster. And laughing in my head about it.

[Luna]

Fuck the Judgy McJudgersons! It's obvious these are the same type of people that don't know their elbows from their assholes. And now I'm off to have an extra spicy Bloody Mary.
Please keep on blogging!
Cheers!

[Niki]

IBS, truck stop bathrooms, sharting and tantrums= mass quantities of Vodka. Mass. I love your friends and you needed that. Good stuff.

[Mama in the City]

I love the AA comment..can I say that? Our first baby was so fussy and colicky that we introduced a stable Wine Fridays to help us cope through the long hours. It was something to look forward to but I always felt semi AAish when I would announce, 'thank god it's wine Friday!'.

I think people need a little cue card of how to act appropriately when someone has lost a baby. Things to say and how to act. They get so scared that they just totally ignore it like that is easier..but really it just makes it all that more awkward.

Always remembering your baby Thalon!

[a madhouse wife]

Sorry for the poop drama, but you know we've had that here too! I actually find vacationing with small children to not be a vacation at all, but I'm glad you had a good time with good friends. I'm sorry we couldn't meet up with you there! (Maybe another time in Greater Ponca--lol.) Also, glad to see someone else's children like the geyser features too. My daughter stood over the ones at our local pool this weekend and laughed her head off. It was TICKLING her! I was mortified.

[Kia (Good Enough Mama)]

Sharting, huh? That's a good one. I've never heard that term before, but we use the good old "I just peed out of my bum" phrase. There's something to be said for variety, right?

So glad you were able to enjoy yourselves and that you spent it with friends who are obviously wonderful.

Again, I'm so happy that you were able to enjoy yourself!

[Kimberley]

Great. Now I have Belinda Carlisle in my head. All. Day.

[Teki]

I've been to the KC Great Wolfe Lodge and while the kid had a great time I coulda used an IV of vodka while I was there. That's to say it's the type of place to practically drive a person to drink even without such a loss. Awesome you had great friends to go with you sharing your memories.

[Suze]

Sharting aside, it looks like you had a nice time with friends. And from the sound of it, very good friends.

[Christine]

Oh dear, the girls are so cute, sharting notwithstanding.

Keep Thalon's memory alive. You want to talk about him, talk about him, what happened and whatever else you want to talk about. Not because it makes others uncomfortable, but because it's what you need to do.

Thinking of you Shanana.

[eden]

Oh for fucks sake, I'm getting tired with these people who think they can judge you. I AM a fucking alcholic and I DO go to fucking AA. If I drank, I would be straight down to nightclubs giving blowjobs to strangers for drugs. I have children who I kind of love, and have to take care of, so, I don't drink.

You, lovely Shauna ... do NOT need these kinds of people on your back. You are experiencing the worse pain EVAH, man. And you back up and love your family with all of your broken heart and you are fucking amazing. You are not an alcoholic. So drink, dammit! I sure as hell would, but I can't so I have to make do with chocolate and coffee.

I hope you deleted the Judgersons off your Facebook.

I'm sorry if this rant offended you in any way ... but I love how honest and open you are with where you are at and I hope that never changes.

It was so lovely to read of your friends wanting to include Thalon in the conversation. I wish more people were like that. He should have been there. He should have been there with a messy face and sharting with the others.

XO

[TUWABVB]

I'm so happy your got away from a few days - poo-soaked bathing suits aside. (I often feel that way after BBQ myself.) The pictures are priceless and each one made me smile!

Also, totally not related, I'm having a water fountain installed in my back yard so I can sit on the hole (she looked happy, no?).

[Michelle]

The poop! The puke! Quelle Horreur! Through it all though, you all had a good time...I'm so glad you guys had a chance to take a trip. The pics are awesome...Moira looks like she is in fact sharting in the second pic! Gotta love a girl who takes her sharts seriously! Oh, and a million middles to the d-bags who gave/give you a tough time about something that is so not a problem! I think it's like your "schtick"...you're not sitting around all day/night guzzling gin for the love of God! I know I'm reading you right...you're a cool mutha' :o)

[r.]

My father came home from work early one day with his uniform pants in his hand. When we asked him what happened he said that there was a farting contest at work and that he tried really hard to squeeze out a good one but he sharted instead. Proud, proud moment of my family's history. Very proud.

You keep on doing what you're doing. Laugh when you can and remember your baby boy as hard as your brain will let you. I'm thinking of you and your family.