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07 December 2009


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Alicia @bethsix

This is AWESOME. 1st-graders should all know the word "abhor." And "hell." And "shit." Especially shit.

Your first paragraph made me snort. Happy (almost) birthday to Moira.


This is my life, except with older kids. They still do pee tricks, only better.

I hope you get through this holiday season in one piece. I know I haven't noted you in a while, but I still read and am just a crappy noter.


This is the exact reason behind why I chose NOT to become a teacher or homeschool my children. I spent a copious amount of time at my children's school last year to know that I would not repeat that crazy notion again. Boy do those teachers get HUGE props from me :o)

Glad to see you made it through the first part of the holiday season. I made it too, very reluctantly, stumbled a few times but who cares. Now onto coping with the next part...

Heather Ann

OMG. I couldn't have done that well. Glad to see some other moms have total potty mouth just like me.

On another note, I have a friend who lost her son at 7. We were talking about the first year after the other day. His birthday was a real low point. I am not tired of your voice and if talking about how crappy you feel makes you feel even slightly less crappy, please continue. Your son was beautiful and he was taken from you. I think about you almost daily. Our children are so precious. Big hugs to you and your.

Shannon Kieta

Shana, Shana, Shana...
I can't wait to start volunteering at Nico's school. I won't be a fill-in sub- I can work in the office...FUN!
I know the feeling about not being able to get into Christmas this year. It's the first year without my sister. It Sucks-ass...BIG TIME!!!!
You definately got the shit end of the stick, wih Thalon's birthday so close to Christmas. HE would have hated that I am sure...you think? That little booger would have been so big, riiping into EVERYTHING! I am sure he is giving Heaven a run for their money. My sister is taking good care of him, I am sure of that! God Bless you my friend, this has to be the hardest thing ever for you to go through. And while everyone else is telling ou to hang in there, I will tell you to let it out, sream, yell, slam, bang,and know that I am always, always here for you. Luv Ya! Shannon


My sister teaches first grade and she has nerves of steel. I sent her this post after the laughter subsided.


Loved this post about the teaching (too funny):) Thinking of you!


oh wow, first graders , that sounds... fun! ;)
happy almost birthday to moira.
do you & the kids have any christmas wishes we might be able to help with?
we are all thinking of you a lot with christmas & thalons birthday coming up.


You make me laugh and you make me cry. I love your blog.


OMG... You make me remember teaching religious ed to 4th graders... So funny.

I dont think you need witty banter in lieu of your shitty feelings. Let them roll.


Oh man, you had me laughing my ass!!


I mean my ass OFF!!


I wish you had subbed at my school.

You know, that might be a cheap form of therapy for you - First graders probably don't think emotional outbursts are odd, since they cry over anything.

Sending you some strength to get through the next couple months...


Oh man! So many kids. You deserve some kind of reward for taking that on...maybe a mani/pedi or chocolate, wine, and bad TV?


Shana -

Good morning. First of all I missed you. Second, you are a saint. Third, I would have paid money to watch webcam footage of your day. Take care.


I love that you filled in! You'd be the best sub EVER.

Evelyn in Maine

Jeeze, here I am at work, laughing my head off at your description of the day from hell! One of my best friends teaches 6th graders, and she had me on the floor laughing the other day, too. Anyone who teaches young kids deserves a medal.

Amy --- Just A Titch

I'm crying with laughter over here. And rest assured, I am a teacher, so what you did? Sounds better than 99.9% of the subs I've had cover my class.


Sounds like a kind of fun day actually!


I wish you had this on video... Sounds like comedy gold!


So, not so good then? I think that sounds awesome! When are you going back? I'm thinking that your talents are wasted on first grade and maybe, like me, the older set would appreciate your wit and "vocabulary" more. lol! Now, lets make an arrangement for you to come sub for me at my school! They will LOVE you!


Just wait until you get to sub when they are 8th graders! Eye rolls and "whatevers" abound. At least at Catholic School we can use the Baby Jesus Card. I use '"Do you want to go to confession?" Nips it in the bud! :)


well, this way they will never ask you again :-) i'll be thinking about you over the next several weeks even if you aren't up to posting.

This New Place

you're a saint! you maybe thought you were free and clear the last time you got asked! heh heh. but, you made it through, at least! (seeing that you are writing about it!)


oh man.


awesome! reality at its finest! And you are brave enough to say it.
man i love you.


Seriously, that you actually made it through the day without walking out is beyond awesome. I don't even know how I make it through most days without walking out of my own house and you managed to take on an entire classroom. You rock. Oh and btw - you made me laugh so hard I almost spit my diet coke out.


I substitute teach for a living. I drink a lot on days like that. In fact, I have a code text for my husband that lets him know there should be a drink waiting for me. Glad you survived to tell the story!


Teachers don't earn enough to go through this on a daily basis, and subs should be paid double. = ) Thinking of you, and was glad to see a new post from you. = )


OMG! I do that every day....only kindergartners and not in a religious school- because the building would have caught fire when I came inside....and drink?! There's probably a flask in that teacher's desk right next to the valium.

Aunt Becky

I could never be a teacher. EVER.


Don't forget my Fuck, Fuck voice text! :D

Debby Pucci

I want you to know that you are in my prayers. I am so sorry that you have to face some dates coming up that will be very difficult for you. I will pray for your strength. I think about you often and I am so sorry.

Sara @heartmychloe

haha def best sub ever! hugs to you mama, today and every day.


lol, I would let you teach my children any day! (I can say that because I don't have any) Seriously, you rock. My only question is this... where was the video camera?

I'll be thinking of you, chickey poo, in the weeks ahead. Just like I always do, but with a few more mind-hugs thrown in. *hugs*!


LOVE IT. you sound like an awesome sub. you can fill in for me anytime, although facebook is supposedly blocked at my school, LOL.

Stephanie Deal

Happy early b'day to Moira. Hope she has a great day (and her mom too).

Hang in there with Thalon's b'day coming up. I'm sure it is going to SUCK WIND totally... but you know it, so will be ready to deal with it. Got plenty of red bull and vodka on hand?

Seriously, long-distance hugs & kisses to you. I mean... no real touching...just air-kissing & air-hugging... I know how you are... :)


Shana in Texas

That teacher is brilliant! She can now use the Celia's-Mom-as-Substitute Card to get those kids to behave.

Devon Huntington

I don't know how you survived. Happy Birthday to the kiddos!


Poor Moira and poor you. But funny funny you! Subbing for first graders as a way to practice patience and cussing, I love it!


Oh yeah. I subbed for 2nd graders once. And yes, they can smell the fear. And I walked in so damn cocky, thinking "okay, they're going to act their worst, so I'm ready for it." Yeah, no, I wasn't ready for the tooth that got knocked out during reading time and that's just the only memory I haven't repressed. My son's school (also Catholic, with the same name as yours but in another town) asked me once and I just laughed and said I would be happy to dole out fruit cocktail til the cows come home, but never again would I substitute. I'm not that good of a Falcon volunteer :)


Oh. My. God. Can. not. breathe. from. laughter.

This is a mere shadow of what my 10 year old's class would be like, should they be so desperate as to have me sub.

haitian american family of three

Well Shit people! Love that you said that. My three year old blurted out a "damn lady" yesterday. I guess I have to reform now that she is clearly understood and repeats everything I say.


I've been thinking about trying to get a teaching job at the charter school I want my daughter to attend next year. There's a lottery with only about 25 spots open, but if you teach there your kid automatically gets in.

After reading this...forget it! :)

I know tough times are ahead but I truly wish you the best in trying to get through the next month. Hugs!


And this post sums up excatly why I know we would be fast friends if we lived in the same town. You are one badass substitute and I imagine the children were so hay to get their teacher back that they were extra good for her. You should consider this an early Christmas gift to her! Have a good day momma!


I can picture this and am laughing all the way in Seattle. Teaching is hard! I am glad I decided not to go into that field. I'd definitely be an alcoholic.


I tried to sub after my daughter died and ended up crying while reading Junie B. Jones to the class. I haven't tried it again.
We do remember her birthday in some way--haven't really developed a "tradition". My older daughter told me that we weren't supposed to release helium balloons anymore because "they might choke the sea turtles".


Daaaaaamn. (Sorry for the late comment - I am catching up on my blog reading.) Seriously, kudos to you. When my nephew was a first-grader, he stayed overnight with me for the weekend. Oh my sweet salami sandwiches, I thought I was going to go bananas. The whining! The rambunctiousness that goes from being cute to being totally nerve-grating! The begging for random crap out of vending machines! ("Sam! Why are you begging for stickers from a bowling alley vending machine? They're ugly!" "Because vending machines are awwwwwwwwwesommmmmmmmme!") If I'm that irritated by my own 1st grade nephew, I would never be able to handle 26 non-nephew 1st graders.

So, yes. Good work!

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