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08 June 2010


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The melting metaphor makes sense to me. Awful sense. I hate that this happened to you. I hate that the hurt continues to deepen.

Have you considered foster-to-adopt? Says the girl who fundraises for foster kids for a living.

Sending you love.

grace monk

My heart wishes so good much for you, and I'm utterly helpless. If only. You remain in my thoughts and prayers. I'll add "fertile ovaries and healthy uterus" to the list. I'm sure the Lord has heard stranger...


i can't understand completely, b/c i didn't lose a child. {{HUGS}} but I am with you on the NOT READY for this part of life. Menopause scares the mother loving crud out of me. My kids are getting old and don't give a shit about me anymore and the hot flashes have left me in a puddle of sweat many nights. I am NOT READY for this next chapter.


I will send every mumbojumbo fertility bracelet vibe and good thought I have your way sweets. xoxoxo


I refuse to believe that this is it! Try it all, especially acupuncture.


Praying for your ovaries to pop out some eggs! I think it's awesome that you are staying positive and optimistic! Seriously, I heard something in the news lately about a study where patients who thought they were NOT going to get better were in overall worse health, had more hospital stays, etc.

Gosh, getting old sucks! People I hardly know feel perfectly fucking free to remind me that I'm *not* getting any younger, and that if I wait much longer to have kids they'll probably be born with arms growing out of their heads or some other hideous deformity. Eff you, who asked for your opinion! ? Grrr!


I can't help but believe there's a reason for all you have gone through -- don't give up -- you have lots of lurkers out there pulling for you!


I'm going to send you an email tonight or in the morning. Be on the look out. Love you! xo


Hey honey - I have had friends who have had success with acupuncture and Chinese herbs are supposed to be great. One of my girlfriends got pregnant this way after 8 miscarriages and 5 failed cycles of IVF. Worth a crack I reckon!
Sending you all my positive mojo. xxx est


My theory with the blood pressure is that if they would take it BEFORE you had to step on a scale it would be SIGNIFICANTLY lower.

As for the other stuff...why not try it all? It can't hurt to try.



Try whatever you feel comfortable with - and I wish you luck of course!


I won't even begin to think I understand you and how you feel but I wanted to share that I have adopted 3 of the most amazing children here in San Diego thru County Adoptions and we did not spend a single penny during the adoption process! Actually we even got 33,000+ of adoption tax credits. You do not need to foster forever to adopt. For us, it was only a tecnicality until they had been in our home for a minimum of 6 months. My children are now 4, 6 and 8 and we were meant to be a family. I know many families who have adopted very young babies 3 months and up. It's a lovely consideration.
I wish you nothing but happiness.


Best of luck. Go and "make a baby"!
Sending prayers your way.


sending pixie dust and prairie sage and magic herbs your way! I hope all your wishes come true. It scares me that I am waiting so long to have another baby. I am terrified that when the time comes it won't happen. The humor that you keep even in your most difficult times is inspiring, Shana. You and you family deserve some happiness for once.


Thinking of you and so wish a little one for you!


That melting feeling sounds very familiar...

I don't think anyone has stuck their finger up my butt since my first GYN visit. Thanks for bringing that memory back.

I hope there is some magic available that will bring you another baby.


I hate that you are going through this. I wish nothing but happiness and success for you and your family.


I say try it all. As a single spinster in my 30s, with no prospects on the horizon, I'm scared to think that I may never have a kid. Because I waited too long.

Although, I did consider stealing my sister's new baby last night at the hospital. I could give her to you. She's really cute!


I had a similar breakdown in my gyno's office...different circumstances...but a good one is worth his/her weight in gold! Don't give up hope..you need to do what feels right to you. They may be unconventional, but that doesn't mean they don't work...I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed...and praying to St Gerard on your behalf to intercede..it couldn't hurt, right?? Good Luck


I have never lost a child and could only imagine what you are going through. You are a very strong woman. My thoughts and prayers are always with you. Sending lots of positive thoughts your way!

Hugs from Missouri


You're never too old till you're cold. Stupid I know. Just never give up. Things happen, miracles happen. If I had a fairy godmother or a genie to grant wishes, they'd be in the mail to you right now.
And, on a sidenote, do consider fostering a child that needs adopting. I know it's not "perfect", but you and your family have so much love. It's so obvious from your posts. Any child would be lucky to have a family with love and humor, you possess both.


Shit, piss, hell and all the other words you should scream. Sending happy thoughts and positive vibes your way!


Acupuncture worked for us...definitely recommend. Good luck!


Put your baby in me. I will carry it and birth it for you for the cost of a margarita after the delivery.

Heather W.

I underwent 4 years of infertility treatments in order to have my baby. I was very skeptical about acupucture and herbs at first. I thought it was "hippie shit". But I was desperate. So I did it. It completely changed my cycles and made everything "normal", as in normal flow and normal temperature charts and that ever-elusive egg-white cervical mucous (ewwww, but they want you to keep track of these things). I still had to do IVF, but I really believe all the acupucture helped the critter stick. I saw it work for many women in their 40s. My fertility clinic now highly recommends it to their patients. It's worth a try. Best of luck to you.


surreal is a good word for it, i say try anything and everything, and try to heal more too.

Aunt Becky

I wish I could give you a baby. GOD THAT SOUNDS CREEPY AND I DON'T GIVE A SHIT.


Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. I will happily sprinkle chicken blood and blow on a fertility doll and continue to send all fertile~ma and peace~ma (you know, like karma) I have. {{{}}}


I'm so sorry, hon. I think of you often and I hope you get a little miracle soon!

Michelle Pixie

I believe anything is possible and if it brings you comfort or hope do it!

Watching my little one go through cancer and all the shit that goes along with that I have to grab onto anything to keep me putting one foot in front of the other. Xanax has been it for me these days!



I really wish I was queen of the world. Then I could do something helpful. Instead of just send you virtual hugs, which i know don't really help.

Truly am hoping beyond hope for a miracle for you darling. I am. Promise. Because if anyone deserves one, it's you.

Dude, my mom? She's all hippy-ish and shit. Which is funny since she's clinical psychologist by trade. Anyway, look into Homeopathy, she's a huge believer in the stuff and I am too. No idea how it could help, but you never know. And there is something my mom keeps telling me about called Matrix Energetics. She is just learning about it though. Which is like something um...I need to pay better attention. But you go to someone and they like help you energetically heal your issues. Or something. But if my mom believes in it? It has to be helpful in some way. Because she's all about healing in a mind-body-spirit approach.

ps. I swear I'm not insane. I know the wanting to try anything deal though. So I thought I'd share.


I had my annual yesterday too. Good times. I like it when I have to fill out the form that asks what I'm using for birth control and I'm all... um... my own body? Does that count?

Anyway. I don't know which doctor you went to, but I do know that one clinic in OKC is *significantly* less expensive than the other one, if you decide to get up on that horse again. (Or at least that was true when I was going through the shit, lo these many years ago). Oh, and the less expensive one was the one that was successful for me.

And yes, totally go for the acupuncture and whatnot.

J from Ireland

Ah no. This is shite for you. Try anything you can. My heart goes out to you. Best wishes.


How frustrating! I believe in TCM, acupuncture, dietary changes, fertility bracelets ...anything that helps you remain positive! Which is so difficult in the infertility journey... Best of luck to you!

Debby Pucci

Keeping you in my prayers and sending good vibes.
Don't ever give up and enjoy the sex! I want this to happen for you. ((HUGS))


I needs me a baby too. I'm definitely not ready for the end of the baby-making years, but they are coming.... As for you, try acupuncture. I tried acupuncture for something else entirely and discovered the woman who did the acupuncture specialized in fertility. She had a wonderful success rate and, if I were ever in the situation of wanting to conceive, I'd go to her.


I love your doctor too. What a wonderful woman!


I can't afford any of the usual stuff either - but I am still somewhat hopeful based on my ND and her bioidentical hormone specialty. She claims she's gotten women who had completely stopped menstruating back on the rag. If I could afford acupuncture, I'd be the engineer on that train too! Anyway... she's not crazy expensive, she IS crazy awesome, (and sometimes just crazy - but in a good way)and I DO know that what she has me taking has gotten me off my formerly beloved Auntie Depressants, throttled back my rage to an almost enjoyably boring level, and ceased and disisted my bipolar leanings in their tracks, after about six months on that action. SO... I'd be happy to give you her info if you wanted. She will treat people far from her after a couple of tests, that aren't impossibly priced. Like many other ladies here, I haven't lost a child, but beyond that, I SO FEEL YOU. Babies aren't the only thing I can't conceive.. I can't freaking conceive of slipping quietly into that cold, dark, stale horrendousness that is never being pregnant and holding my newborn in my arms, and I know you know that to the nth power beyond what I can imagine.

And furthermore - I love the tattoos on the girls! :D My kids, particularly my daughter, *LOVE* those things. Thank god she's not allergic. You're a kick ass mama!!


I am crossing my fingers, toes and limbs over here for you and sending all the positive mojo I have your way. Go forth with your baby making self.


my gyno never stuck his finger in my butt.

i wish your insurance covered in vitro.


I was under chiropractic treatment when I got pregnant with my first. Did it help me? Hard to say. My Chiro was happy to take "supporting role" credit, that's for sure.

Let me know if you need sage to burn (it's supposed to be cleansing of a space, or so I'm told). We've got plenty of that stuff here in Vegas.


I don't believe in never too.


I so know what it feels like to have your heart melt. Although I can no way compare my situation to yours, I did go through IVF and many miscarriages and an ectopic then IVF again. And that experience, I believe, showed me what it felt like to be at rock bottom. All I wanted was a baby, that was it. And I just couldn't understand why so many others got their babies and I got nothing it was like I was melting into the floors.

What I will say is that acupuncture, done correctly does work, I swear. My girlfriend from the IVF clinic was 42 when she did her last and final round (that is the oldest they will do it here) and she credits her acupuncture for it working for her. If you can afford it do a few sessions and see how you feel. I did it, got pg with the ectopic, and then with the IVF.

Stay strong, I know it is hard, but you can do it.


Go to an infertility clinic and take out an IVF loan!


This morning while rubbing my sons back to wake him up (this may or may not have to stop when he turns 16 - in 6 months)

Me: Wooo...can I turn on your fan? I'm HOT and SWEATY!

Son: Are you going through menopause?

Me: I hope so! No more leaky tweeky! (This might have been TMI for a 15 year old...but...that's just the way it is with us)

Son: But don't you grow facial hair and a penis?

Me: o_O


I say go for the sage on the prarie-can't hurt, right? I hope for good for you and your family. Um, also, I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but I'm pretty sure the prostate exam is not part of an annual OB check-up. Yikes!


Acupuncture and chinese medicine (lots of nasty tasting teas) worked for me along with some clomid. please try it; I so want you to have another baby.

Melissa in TN

I think you have a very smart doc there. I agree with her for not believing in never. Still sending good thoughts and prayers your way. Hang in there.


i have a friend who did acupuncture and was able to produce eggs after not producing them for a while. she has not gotten pregnant YET, but i totally think it's worth a try.


Oh....I totally hear you about not wanting to enter that state of your life. I feel the exact same way. I'm 40 and still mentally feel like I'm 28. How can I be 40 already??!! I am so not ready to be 40...or any age after that. I don't want my fertility years to be over.

I just noticed that this post of yours was written on June 8th. I had a miscarriage that day (just 5 days ago) I've had 8 normal pregnancies and births without having ever had a miscarriage. But this one...well, this one didn't make it past 11 weeks :(

I hope you get to experience the joy of pregnancy again soon. I say, try the herbs and acupuncture. Try it all. What can it hurt? I have a friend who had many years of infertility and she began seeing an acupuncturist...and after just 4 months of regular visits, she conceived her daughter. So hey, it's worth a try!

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