Think of the most gut-clenching and offensive sandwiches one could maybe try to consume or stomach, say, liverwurst? pimento and cheese? Headcheese?
We've been offered every delicacy as of late.
Every day presents us with a new and improved disgusting poo poo platter.
I keep asking myself, "Is it Lent three months early?"
Rich's car or should I say, Rich, was in a knarly accident this past week. He was sandwiched between to vehicles which totaled his beloved "Betty." Veronica is just too vapid of a name and let's face it, their beauty fades away and she always leaves you wondering if she's playing the field.
Betty was loyal and held herself together and him during the accident.
Luckily the 18-year-old texting and driving fool, didn't kill anyone.
Message of this post and our life this week: "at least no one died."
I feel like everyday we walk around, my motto has become: "at least no one died."
thankfully.
***********************
but I am wrong. A whole lot of people are dying.
A friend's mother died and was buried this week.
A friend's son died and was buried this week.
During my friend's mother's funeral, there was the usual picture montage with music completing the setting. Most of the music, I ignored. Until, there was Norah Jones', "Come Away with Me...."
Then the start of
this.....
made me weep like a freaking baby.
The family hadn't even walked into the room.
Thankfully, the song was aborted after 10 notes.
I composed myself and was able to be less emotional and more mannequin like for everyone's sake.
I started to dress myself for the other funeral but couldn't make myself actually get in my car for it. Something about a mother losing her child made me freeze and hunker down and just be. with my kids.
I feel like I suck in so many ways for not going. Most would say she wouldn't know I was there but if she is anything like me, and she is, she knew every person who was in attendance.
*************************
Wreck, lost purse, new checking accounts, no check cards, no money December, no car, carpooling it, 12-year-old who is going on 16-asshole syndrome, no time to fix shit, pleasing everyone and no one, working hard for $8 an hour, calligraphy assignments, putting a smile on my face when I don't feel like it, free radical hormones abounding in the air at every second, dissention and more fucking crazy dissention.
Epic dissention.
Not with me, if you are wondering.
Except for the fact, I can't balance a checking book. Then again, that shit is kid's stuff if you are asking me. or him. an annoyance of sorts.
Again, I keep telling myself, "at least no one died."
Man, fuck.
I've worried more about my husband this past week than I have in the past 15-years of marriage.
On so many levels.
His life, his health; then again his life, his health and just how to come to terms with this life.
on a very tumultuous playing ground.
an unfair playing ground.
one part made of quick sand and the other made of terra firma clay.
In the end, we go on and be the great pretenders for everyone.
Make them feel better about everything.
Placate and soothe.
No worries you fucked up my life right now. I didn't need that car. It's not like it was something I always wanted.
No worries on the other complete bullshit.
It's just all shit.
"at least no one died."
Damn.
Posted by: Alicia | 14 December 2015 at 02:45 AM
I suspect that mother, if she knows you, knows why you couldn't be there.
I hope that things get easier soon. It's usually hard to tell, but all of a sudden you realize that it's been a while since your shoulders were climbing up to your ears. I hope you get that relaxed sensation soon...although it's not likely until after the holidays, I expect.
Posted by: a | 14 December 2015 at 07:27 PM
Wow. All of it sucks and I'm sorry.
I can't balance my checkbook either. I'm highly educated and (mostly) not a complete idiot yet the thought of looking at my checking account makes me have an anxiety attack. I'm telling you this as I'm working on admitting I have a serious problem and if I don't get my head out of my ass I'll have to work until I'm dead paying overdraft fees. I'm sorry you're having a tough time; the only thing I can be (mostly!) sure of, is the teenager will snap out of it at some point. When is anyone's guess but most seem to just go stupid for a few years until they figure out they really don't know everything.
Posted by: Teki | 15 December 2015 at 06:22 AM
Well, shit. Why does it just keep coming? I get it. In the past 13 months, I've been diagnosed with cancer, got fired from my job, needed an ACL replaced, and now probably need surgery on a torn tendon in my ankle. I live dollar to dollar and I'm educated and smart. I'm sick of it. I'm scared for "at least no one died" to be my motto because someone inevitably will. My daughter keeps me going. Otherwise, I swear I would be done. Or at least more done than I am. Best of luck to you. May 2016 be a turning point in your life (and mine).
Posted by: Janie | 15 December 2015 at 12:12 PM
Welllll, fuck... someone died in my world, too. He is/was my nephew, but my mom raised him and we've been together in this shitty world since he was 3 days old. He was 33 and killed in a wreck while he was on his way to his work Christmas Party because of some asshole in a semi who crossed the center line. I am hating life and God and death and everyone but my hubs and baby boy.. well and my mom.... who is crushed and is sure she can't survive this. I am sorry about your car and Rich. I hope he comes out ok... I'm ready for December to be OVER. I don't really know why. January will suck, too, I guess.
Posted by: Ashley Monts | 16 December 2015 at 09:40 AM
Jeez. Why do so many shitty things gotta happen at once? I'm sorry.
And I think that mom knows why you couldn't be at the funeral, and probably understands completely and utterly, in a way no one ever wants to understand. *hugs*
Lastly: I haven't balanced my checking account in YEARS. Easily 6. I don't have time to find the $.06 discrepancy.
Posted by: Danielle [Left of Lost] | 23 January 2016 at 07:34 PM