It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

I just unfriended someone on Facebook. I have to say, this was the first time in 8 years I've done such an act. The last person I did so was because she a crack addict and I had just lost Thalon. Crack addict was a proven fact so I'm not slandering here. Actually, truth be told the person I just deleted was probably a victim of circumstance from seeing the same vitriol posted over and over again but mainly because, the commentary was from people I know. Local people I am in very close contact with on a daily basis. I just couldn't stand it anymore. Their inability to see anything more than their very privileged and sheltered lives. and yes, I know I am a very privileged woman. A fat white one but I know my place in the hierarchy of public status. Nonetheless, when you have to shame people because of their appearance you have lost all credibility to me. You are attacking and not open. Attacking because you aren't willing to see any side but what you want to see. 

I would say "most" would say, I am a pretty open person when it comes to discussion about your beliefs, dreams, whims, desires and thoughts. Just because I may not think the same way, I'm not going to lambaste you. But dude, when all you spew is derision, I finally have a breaking point of sorts. 

This new year should be coined "the year of standing up for what you believe in but have some fucking compassion for others." When you fat shame others or call them stupid for not nodding your head in agreement to your absolute ideals? I am finally calling bullshit on your attacks of ignorance or how about this? Intolerance? I have never been one to say my way is the highway and your highway is a broken down swamp. Do I believe people make errors in their freedom of speech? WHOLEHEARTEDLY!!! I do daily! But damn i,t Janet! Think outside of yourself for a fucking nano second....

I try my best to be a good person daily. I get impatient with others. Especially when driving on the highway and in carpool. I admit I am the person speeding by you when you are driving -25 mph when I'm late but when I finally make eye contact? I feel bad about myself as a person because, I am a selfish motherfucker. 

Yes, I feel guilty all of the time. Catholic guilt? Maybe. Even though I'm such a horrible Catholic. Right now, I'm probably hitting the 7th circle of hell from my travesties. 

An understatement of the year. Shit, it has only been 22 days of a whole fuck-ton of eternity!  

**sigh....**

Guilty for being a selfish asshole on the highway. Selfish because I feel like no one has a sense of urgency when they are driving other than sports cars and really big 15 ton trucks. I feel guilty when I'm impatient because it took an hour and a half for lunch to be served after a 'women's' rally yesterday. Let us all be thankful for Lexapro in tha' house!!! I just asked for the check and gave a 22% tip after gagging down cold food. Mainly because I saw the other side of the restaurant or social and privileged entitlements. The staff was doing the best they could in a mass of demanding people wanting their swirls and chips and salsa. Okay, so I was a waitress in college and let me tell you, there were quite a few assholes who made me cry over first world problems. I still try to remember being that 22 year-old person; serving the drunk who can't remember what steak he wanted and his neat and tidy drink with a twist of lemon or was it lime? He sure as hell couldn't remember. I still had compassion for him because he obviously was not a happy person and pretty much everyone else around him was miserable as hell. 

This last sentence brings me back to the beginning of my around-the-world start. I feel and yes, it IS my feelings alone, people who tear others down because they don't feel the way you do or agree with you, are just simply sad people.  They probably can't find the joy in a newborn's first laugh or cotton candy or DAVE GROHL or how swinging in a too small seat of a swing with abandon to the up-most heights is so freaking freeing and wonderful. 

I am trying to be a better person. This is all I can promise to be. I know I have not been vocal about issues that should have mattered separate of my own selfish agenda. I'm trying. Like really hard. I give anonymously to so much but in the end I don't feel like I'm doing enough. 

My only goal is to do better. To be better. To be more vocal when it makes my own need to please and placate burn from the uncomfortableness of it all.

and also learn how to use real words other than the fourth to the last word used. 

peace.

 

 

Comments

[Becki]

Amen. I am just so weary of all of this. All sides. Gotta remember to be "IN the world but not OF the world". I kind of "get" the people that post cat videos nonstop. Disheartening to watch former high school classmates tear others to shreds over this (and honestly, truthfully at least in my world - it is the Hillary supporters who are acting the worst). I am almost ready to unfriend one guy, a verified journalist who has worked local radio news and la times, because he was mocking one former classmate, a Trump supporter, for her lack of continued education and no travels out of the country so OF COURSE she was an idiot. Guess I am waiting to see what else he will do - luckily most came to her defense.

PLEASE care about your selfish agenda and keep posting about that - it is normal . . and that is what so many of us are craving (though yes we must all try to save the world as well).

Silly laughter is the best. Have you ever been to an Aldi market? All their brand names are blatant ripoffs of major brand names - like Mama Cozies instead of Mama Cozza's or Peppertree Barn instead of Pepperidge Farm. ..so my husband and I just spent half an hour hysterically making up ALDI names for every brand in our pantry. Felt good. Maybe you had to be there but I think you will get it, lol.

And EVERYONE should have to waiter/waitress for a mandatory 2 years. We all might be far more patient and human. Me, my husband AND daughter are all proud former servers.

Take care. Love you! Thanks for not lambasting me!

Becki

[Becki]

Grammar police I Have no idea how to make that sentence "I, my husband . .grammatically correct. I KNOW IT'S NOT CORRECT.

[Kelly]

Well said! Sometimes I think about moving back there because private school for my two odd ducks would be in reach. But then I think about leaving my lovely liberal bubble in NJ. And all those high school friends who have such a different world view than I do. And I don't have the fight in me right now. Thank you for fighting the good fight, momma!

[a]

I'm having a hard time with people lately. People cannot see themselves at all. I appreciate your self-reflection, although I think you are a bit harsh most of the time. Nobody but you (and me, and like...5 other people) has anywhere they need to be at any time, and so they feel like they can just mosey along and smell the roses. Why are you selfish for speeding, but they're not selfish for driving slow, especially when they're doing it in the passing lane? GRRRR - everyone and everything is irritating me, so I'm guessing I have PMS.