Gorillabuns

hey, how you doin'?

Yep! That's how I'm doing as well.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

I just unfriended someone on Facebook. I have to say, this was the first time in 8 years I've done such an act. The last person I did so was because she a crack addict and I had just lost Thalon. Crack addict was a proven fact so I'm not slandering here. Actually, truth be told the person I just deleted was probably a victim of circumstance from seeing the same vitriol posted over and over again but mainly because, the commentary was from people I know. Local people I am in very close contact with on a daily basis. I just couldn't stand it anymore. Their inability to see anything more than their very privileged and sheltered lives. and yes, I know I am a very privileged woman. A fat white one but I know my place in the hierarchy of public status. Nonetheless, when you have to shame people because of their appearance you have lost all credibility to me. You are attacking and not open. Attacking because you aren't willing to see any side but what you want to see. 

I would say "most" would say, I am a pretty open person when it comes to discussion about your beliefs, dreams, whims, desires and thoughts. Just because I may not think the same way, I'm not going to lambaste you. But dude, when all you spew is derision, I finally have a breaking point of sorts. 

This new year should be coined "the year of standing up for what you believe in but have some fucking compassion for others." When you fat shame others or call them stupid for not nodding your head in agreement to your absolute ideals? I am finally calling bullshit on your attacks of ignorance or how about this? Intolerance? I have never been one to say my way is the highway and your highway is a broken down swamp. Do I believe people make errors in their freedom of speech? WHOLEHEARTEDLY!!! I do daily! But damn i,t Janet! Think outside of yourself for a fucking nano second....

I try my best to be a good person daily. I get impatient with others. Especially when driving on the highway and in carpool. I admit I am the person speeding by you when you are driving -25 mph when I'm late but when I finally make eye contact? I feel bad about myself as a person because, I am a selfish motherfucker. 

Yes, I feel guilty all of the time. Catholic guilt? Maybe. Even though I'm such a horrible Catholic. Right now, I'm probably hitting the 7th circle of hell from my travesties. 

An understatement of the year. Shit, it has only been 22 days of a whole fuck-ton of eternity!  

**sigh....**

Guilty for being a selfish asshole on the highway. Selfish because I feel like no one has a sense of urgency when they are driving other than sports cars and really big 15 ton trucks. I feel guilty when I'm impatient because it took an hour and a half for lunch to be served after a 'women's' rally yesterday. Let us all be thankful for Lexapro in tha' house!!! I just asked for the check and gave a 22% tip after gagging down cold food. Mainly because I saw the other side of the restaurant or social and privileged entitlements. The staff was doing the best they could in a mass of demanding people wanting their swirls and chips and salsa. Okay, so I was a waitress in college and let me tell you, there were quite a few assholes who made me cry over first world problems. I still try to remember being that 22 year-old person; serving the drunk who can't remember what steak he wanted and his neat and tidy drink with a twist of lemon or was it lime? He sure as hell couldn't remember. I still had compassion for him because he obviously was not a happy person and pretty much everyone else around him was miserable as hell. 

This last sentence brings me back to the beginning of my around-the-world start. I feel and yes, it IS my feelings alone, people who tear others down because they don't feel the way you do or agree with you, are just simply sad people.  They probably can't find the joy in a newborn's first laugh or cotton candy or DAVE GROHL or how swinging in a too small seat of a swing with abandon to the up-most heights is so freaking freeing and wonderful. 

I am trying to be a better person. This is all I can promise to be. I know I have not been vocal about issues that should have mattered separate of my own selfish agenda. I'm trying. Like really hard. I give anonymously to so much but in the end I don't feel like I'm doing enough. 

My only goal is to do better. To be better. To be more vocal when it makes my own need to please and placate burn from the uncomfortableness of it all.

and also learn how to use real words other than the fourth to the last word used. 

peace.

 

 

learn to say no

Note to self: Quit volunteering to do and produce stuff for free when you

a) don't have time

b) don't feel it

c) need to sleep more than 5 hours a night

d) look 50 because of lack of sleep

e) need a shower - BADLY

f) get frustrated over your lack of inspiration and then sit in the bathroom and cry. OVER GIVING FREE STUFF AWAY!!!

 

 

 

halloween 13.0

 

Excuse my shitty picture. I think I've dropped my phone one time too many. Frankly, I'm too cheap to purchase a new one these days. to drop. again. Besides, I REALLY don't want to find and download my apps again to another truly no Apple product.

Halloween came and went. Just like the 80's, I know I was there but I just can't tell you much about being there. Other than, I know my hair was fabu!!!

 

okay... not that much.

Year 13 for this woman/child above. Not me.

She became obsessed with Eleven from

Stranger Things this year. Since Glenn died on The Walking Dead, she had to find something else to concentrate on with much vigor! Did you know they don't make green and yellow striped tube socks anymore? Did you know if you wanted a pair you would have pay something like $20 + $30 in shipping and handling?  Did you know if you order a collared-dickie and order it from Amazon Prime, it comes from China and arrives the day AFTER Halloween? Did you know you can take a crappy, thin, t-shirt and cut the collar out and put four stiches on a dress and you would have saved yourself the massive drama of going to five stores to only realize Dickies went out of style in the 80's? Did you know that three blonde wigs are still not the right blonde wig for a supernatural character? Did you know, the above model didn't have to try too hard in posing as a menacing being?

Did you know I have regrets.. and many I have.... but one I have would be....I should have just titled this post as... "Did you know?"

careless whisper

This tweet made me blow my drink onto the screen tonight.

 

granted, I know it's old, but damn, I'm not ready to end my shit just yet.

I haven't organized my spice cabinet to par just yet.

or put my cabinet doors back on after 1.3 years of  a 'supposed renovation.'

or lost that last 500lbs.

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I'd like to think positive energy begets positive energy and results. I, in the heart of hearts believe this but believe, the negative is always rotating around our auras. trying to keep us down. if you let it.

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I'm tired of being a friend to people who want another thing from me but don't think of me, my time, my energy and compassion in the same vein.

Ever sacrifice shit to be a friend? Here's a tip. Don't. You always end up feeling like you are doing the long walk of shame when you realize you give more than you receive. and feel dirty in the process.

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Everyone is a selfish asshole. I'm sure I am too.

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We are going to Vegas this weekend as a family and I CAN NOT WAIT TO GET AWAY! as I tried to explain to someone the other day, just to get away from the minutia would be the greatest gift at this moment. AND to be with my friend, a.k.a. Mama Earth always calms the soul. Wish I had more of this in my life.

Calming of the soul.

Redirecting the frenetic energy so to speak.

Here's to the last fading weeks of freedom of summer ending on a more positive note. Cherishing my family as a beautiful memory that doesn't fade into another thoughtless and careless moment.

Peace out.