Gorillabuns

careless whisper

This tweet made me blow my drink onto the screen tonight.

 

granted, I know it's old, but damn, I'm not ready to end my shit just yet.

I haven't organized my spice cabinet to par just yet.

or put my cabinet doors back on after 1.3 years of  a 'supposed renovation.'

or lost that last 500lbs.

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I'd like to think positive energy begets positive energy and results. I, in the heart of hearts believe this but believe, the negative is always rotating around our auras. trying to keep us down. if you let it.

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I'm tired of being a friend to people who want another thing from me but don't think of me, my time, my energy and compassion in the same vein.

Ever sacrifice shit to be a friend? Here's a tip. Don't. You always end up feeling like you are doing the long walk of shame when you realize you give more than you receive. and feel dirty in the process.

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Everyone is a selfish asshole. I'm sure I am too.

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We are going to Vegas this weekend as a family and I CAN NOT WAIT TO GET AWAY! as I tried to explain to someone the other day, just to get away from the minutia would be the greatest gift at this moment. AND to be with my friend, a.k.a. Mama Earth always calms the soul. Wish I had more of this in my life.

Calming of the soul.

Redirecting the frenetic energy so to speak.

Here's to the last fading weeks of freedom of summer ending on a more positive note. Cherishing my family as a beautiful memory that doesn't fade into another thoughtless and careless moment.

Peace out.

 

 

 

old as f***

Man, just how old is that header up there?

5 years old? Maybe?

Man, just how old is this site?

11 years? like any day now....

Man, how old am I?

Never mind on answering that stupid question.

Apparently, old as fuck.

We went to Rich's 30-year high school reunion a couple of weekends ago.

Gotta say, I pretty much celebrated like it was 1986.

Photographic evidence will not be provided to back up the last statement.

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I'm making a line of stuff aptly titled, "Quotable Quotients from Friends."

Including: "I feel like a busted can of biscuits" and "1 800 did I ask bitch?"

ALL quotable items from people I know.

I'm thinking I better get a rider for all to sign so I won't be sued.

***

Don't worry, I'll still do some classy stuff

for the few classy people left in my life.

 

whatcha doin nair.

I gotta say, it is never a good sign when you try to login into your account to your blog, you have to input 7 passwords and then have to reset the damn thing because, dude, what is this place again?

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The girls are out of school!!! YAAAASSSS!!! QUEEN!!!!

I'm actually able to get some shit done and pay a bill or two, three, four.... oh, whatever. I've lost count there.

Per the usual, I'm all over the place. I'm still trying to set up an Etsy shop so I can do more with less stress on the hand.

So, yeah, that will be up in 2019.

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I'm in the middle of helping plan/coordinate my cousin's daughter's wedding from far away.

I've gotta say, I get my rocks off being creative and ticking things off of a list when it comes to young love. Not that I would go back to my 20's but I've gotta say, I would have loved to have the resources now that I didn't have then for my wedding.

Next stop: remote event planner extraordinaire! I'll only work with clients who like to text, email and don't mind me getting a bug up my ass at 1am!

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I've been doing wedding, signs and stuff but alas, I'm not sure I've even documented any of it because, I hate my ghetto phone and I'm usually running behind to the next gig to take a pic for posterity's sake.

Just go to my Instagram feed (inkstainedfingers.com) if you want to see some stuff I'm trying to play off as all professional and shit.

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If you don't understand the title of this post, then you obviously haven't watched t.v. and especially watched The Detour.

LOVE IT!!!

and GUESS WHAT?!??!!? BIG BROTHER IS COMING BACK SOON!!!!!

Wheeee!

My mother even tried to warn my friends, family and foe that I'll be outtie soon!

                                                                                               " Make your appointments now to see Shana,

                                                                    because in a few short weeks she will be unavailable due to Big Brother Summer programming. "

and no, I'm still not on the show. My phat ass and fucked up knee couldn't handle sitting around for hours on end with nothing to do.

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Speaking of t.v. and well, social media.

Why do we have to be so fucking mean and evil?

AND SO UNFORGIVING....

Between the first female presumed Presidential nominee, the fucktard Ivy League rapist, people trying to kidnap your kid in your presence and all of the other profound images coming across us today; I just want to hide my head in the sand and make sure my girls don't go out into the wide blue expanse of negativity, devaluation and common respect and the fucking Golden Rule.

Are we all so desensitized and over saturated with images from social media that we have lost that sensitivity and empathy chip that separates us from non tax paying animals?

Let's all sigh and say, What the Fuck?

What the Fuck is happening to this country and humanity?

We might as well have a Zombie End-of-the-World situation because everyone is acting like mind numbing flesh eaters.

but first, let me get a new knee so I can run faster than a walker to save my shit.

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end of rant for now.

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glad I posted, no?

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and now, my moments of Zen:

 

 

 

seven

Someone asked me today about the tattoo on my left wrist.

I so happened to be working in a school office today instead of hiding underneath my covers hiding from the ultimate D-day of all days of the year.

    "What does that symbol mean?"

"It is a small "t" that represents my son who happened to 'officially' die seven years ago today."

    "I'm sure that was a sensitive part of your body and it probably really hurt when you got it."

"It didn't hurt enough. The digging into my skin didn't feel anything close to the death of my son. I wish the process had hurt more."

    "I get it. Death and grieving is never-ending. It doesn't fade. I've lost family members and I don't feel a day goes by that I don't miss them."

Yeah, for some reason, this year seems more palpable than ever. The anguish has been so ever present for weeks now. I am not quite sure I can go through feeling this feeling another seven years. I count down the days until I can just get past this day of the year. Somehow remain calm and normal when I have not felt anything quite close to this odd supposed feeling one is supposed to feel on a daily basis in years.

Losing a loved one is gut wrenching. It takes a part of one's soul away. One layer at a time. It seems at times, there isn't any soul left to lose or you yourself will be left. lost. In living, you have to give love to all and you wonder how you can show this emotion effectively when you are still trying to cognitively stitch up that gaping wound. Disintegrating tissue stitched and patched up to look and feel whole on the outside for everyone else to feel better about themselves. and you. The stitches turn themselves into a odd and creepy puppet at times. Playing for the audience and the world. Mimicking what you think you should look like on the outside. Even when you feel nothing like the façade you try to portray.

Like the dreams I vividly dream nightly of being something of a fantasy where I am nothing like myself..... I do wonder why I feel I need to act the same in daylight and in reality like I do in my nocturne self.

I guess we all do to an extent.

Some are better actors than others.

I however, can only keep up the stage presence for very limited short period of time. Then I go to the dressing room and break down due to a lack luster performance. A short time later, I slap another layer of stage make up and go out there and perform for the second and third act.

Hoping I start to feel and embody the character I am trying to portray. Until I see another player reminding me of a pivotal character in the play or another stupid holiday/scene  creeps up when I didn't study the script closely enough.

I then have to look at my understudy to remind me that this thing I am doing is just acting in a play. We are just playing at something we can not begin to comprehend. Mainly because the writer can never truly convey where we all are supposed to fall in this act.

Mainly because I don't think he knows for sure himself.

 

 

 

you are my obession. my only obsession

It seems I'm really an obsessive person. With a truly lazy component added to the mix.

Mainly because, naps are KING! and I haven't taken my Thyroid meds for months now because my pharmacy isn't open at the crack of dawn. Not their problem but mine because really.... I keep forgetting to go there and get my meds. On all fronts. and well... the naps really keep calling my name and telling me, I'm their BITCH!

What I'm obsessing on: BECAUSE, no one can live without knowing what I spend my days in bed watching and listening to while not wasting good make-up on in public....

Why obsess? Because you should too! So we can chat at the very least on Facebook! Where all the old people curse and discuss their bullshit views! Well, I won't comment on your political or religious beliefs BUT I will totally re-pin your? Well.. nothing. For the most part BECAUSE? I'm lazy and so freaking Tired!!! BUT! I'll play some stupid Panda game and stalk you on Instagram  or Facebook before I nod off into a peaceful deep slumber.

Cruise, Drive-by and Stalking: A NEW HEADER IN MY CATEGORIES~!

fuck jerry

He makes my grey or gray days more bright. or more fist-bump worthy.

 

fuckjerry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Broad City or what we say in our household: YAAASSSS, QUEEN!!!

 

 

 

FYI: I'm Abbi.

 

Hell! I haven't even watched tonight's episode but, You are so welcome!

 

 

DON'T judge me but:

 

Vanderpump Rules is TRULY my guilty pleasure. AND Rich's. Though, don't ask him because he really does want to hang with boys. and keep that man-card...

 

I love me some truly vapid and stupid shit. and this show really takes the cake-that-I-don't-eat-because-I-don't-like-cake. Now, If-it-were-chocolate-cream-pie, that-would-be-an-all-out-war!

 

I'd still kick James' stupid self-absorbed non-stimulant handling ass.

 

This Group:

 

I have this strange and distinct love for them EVEN BEFORE I knew one of the bandmate's mother.

 

 

 

I have to say, I get all still and quiet when I listen to anything they write and play.

 

Okay, so I think this is too info is way too much to handle for even me. If I wasn't obsessed with it all... So I'll let you ruminate with all this yummy goodness.

 

and will leave you with this moment of Zen:

 

 

 

 

 WHERE OH!!! WHERE DID MY KITTY CAT GO?

 

I can't handle this growing up shitz.nitz..

 

and she doesn't even know how beautiful she is.....

 

now. time for my nap or the very least coma. Can't handle the above info most of all.