Gorillabuns

whatcha doin nair.

I gotta say, it is never a good sign when you try to login into your account to your blog, you have to input 7 passwords and then have to reset the damn thing because, dude, what is this place again?

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The girls are out of school!!! YAAAASSSS!!! QUEEN!!!!

I'm actually able to get some shit done and pay a bill or two, three, four.... oh, whatever. I've lost count there.

Per the usual, I'm all over the place. I'm still trying to set up an Etsy shop so I can do more with less stress on the hand.

So, yeah, that will be up in 2019.

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I'm in the middle of helping plan/coordinate my cousin's daughter's wedding from far away.

I've gotta say, I get my rocks off being creative and ticking things off of a list when it comes to young love. Not that I would go back to my 20's but I've gotta say, I would have loved to have the resources now that I didn't have then for my wedding.

Next stop: remote event planner extraordinaire! I'll only work with clients who like to text, email and don't mind me getting a bug up my ass at 1am!

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I've been doing wedding, signs and stuff but alas, I'm not sure I've even documented any of it because, I hate my ghetto phone and I'm usually running behind to the next gig to take a pic for posterity's sake.

Just go to my Instagram feed (inkstainedfingers.com) if you want to see some stuff I'm trying to play off as all professional and shit.

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If you don't understand the title of this post, then you obviously haven't watched t.v. and especially watched The Detour.

LOVE IT!!!

and GUESS WHAT?!??!!? BIG BROTHER IS COMING BACK SOON!!!!!

Wheeee!

My mother even tried to warn my friends, family and foe that I'll be outtie soon!

                                                                                               " Make your appointments now to see Shana,

                                                                    because in a few short weeks she will be unavailable due to Big Brother Summer programming. "

and no, I'm still not on the show. My phat ass and fucked up knee couldn't handle sitting around for hours on end with nothing to do.

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Speaking of t.v. and well, social media.

Why do we have to be so fucking mean and evil?

AND SO UNFORGIVING....

Between the first female presumed Presidential nominee, the fucktard Ivy League rapist, people trying to kidnap your kid in your presence and all of the other profound images coming across us today; I just want to hide my head in the sand and make sure my girls don't go out into the wide blue expanse of negativity, devaluation and common respect and the fucking Golden Rule.

Are we all so desensitized and over saturated with images from social media that we have lost that sensitivity and empathy chip that separates us from non tax paying animals?

Let's all sigh and say, What the Fuck?

What the Fuck is happening to this country and humanity?

We might as well have a Zombie End-of-the-World situation because everyone is acting like mind numbing flesh eaters.

but first, let me get a new knee so I can run faster than a walker to save my shit.

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end of rant for now.

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glad I posted, no?

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and now, my moments of Zen:

 

 

 

you are my obession. my only obsession

It seems I'm really an obsessive person. With a truly lazy component added to the mix.

Mainly because, naps are KING! and I haven't taken my Thyroid meds for months now because my pharmacy isn't open at the crack of dawn. Not their problem but mine because really.... I keep forgetting to go there and get my meds. On all fronts. and well... the naps really keep calling my name and telling me, I'm their BITCH!

What I'm obsessing on: BECAUSE, no one can live without knowing what I spend my days in bed watching and listening to while not wasting good make-up on in public....

Why obsess? Because you should too! So we can chat at the very least on Facebook! Where all the old people curse and discuss their bullshit views! Well, I won't comment on your political or religious beliefs BUT I will totally re-pin your? Well.. nothing. For the most part BECAUSE? I'm lazy and so freaking Tired!!! BUT! I'll play some stupid Panda game and stalk you on Instagram  or Facebook before I nod off into a peaceful deep slumber.

Cruise, Drive-by and Stalking: A NEW HEADER IN MY CATEGORIES~!

fuck jerry

He makes my grey or gray days more bright. or more fist-bump worthy.

 

fuckjerry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Broad City or what we say in our household: YAAASSSS, QUEEN!!!

 

 

 

FYI: I'm Abbi.

 

Hell! I haven't even watched tonight's episode but, You are so welcome!

 

 

DON'T judge me but:

 

Vanderpump Rules is TRULY my guilty pleasure. AND Rich's. Though, don't ask him because he really does want to hang with boys. and keep that man-card...

 

I love me some truly vapid and stupid shit. and this show really takes the cake-that-I-don't-eat-because-I-don't-like-cake. Now, If-it-were-chocolate-cream-pie, that-would-be-an-all-out-war!

 

I'd still kick James' stupid self-absorbed non-stimulant handling ass.

 

This Group:

 

I have this strange and distinct love for them EVEN BEFORE I knew one of the bandmate's mother.

 

 

 

I have to say, I get all still and quiet when I listen to anything they write and play.

 

Okay, so I think this is too info is way too much to handle for even me. If I wasn't obsessed with it all... So I'll let you ruminate with all this yummy goodness.

 

and will leave you with this moment of Zen:

 

 

 

 

 WHERE OH!!! WHERE DID MY KITTY CAT GO?

 

I can't handle this growing up shitz.nitz..

 

and she doesn't even know how beautiful she is.....

 

now. time for my nap or the very least coma. Can't handle the above info most of all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

don't be a dick

I took on a long-termish sub position with one of the girl's school until Christmas.  I guess I was high when I said yes because, LORT! I am beyond over-taxed.

The plus? I haven't cooked for awhile. The plus? I haven't cooked for awhile.

This means a few pounds saved except for the Thanksgiving Carb-fest that pounded it's way all over my ass and thighs.

A sight to behold.

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This week consisted of the annual Beaux Arts thingy I do with little to no time available. This year consisted of 3/4 less the time than usual. Wee!!!! Basically, I slept for 6 hours of three nights to get this shit out for all to pour their Cab Savs all about my handy work.

totally pissed about that renegade envelope to top left.

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https://www.instagram.com/p/-ovOpXvBv7/?taken-by=gorillabuns

Everyone in the OKC lost a tree, shrub or weed during the great ICE STORM OF 2015!

Including us.

Murphy's Law: When you purchase a shit-ton of shaded grass due a ginormous tree killing your grass, One will burn those dollars quickly due to Mother Nature.

and because you just might not have the bestus of luck in life.

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Thanksgiving came and went.

I cooked my first turkey. Upside down. Basically boiled in butter. At least it was moist? (barf! on the word)

Have I ever mentioned I hate Thanksgiving?

Where are the presents?

As much as I like to eat, I am SO not about the food.

I'm thinking next year, cheese fries need to be a part of our menu.

Just maybe.... I'll be on board for this day.

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We had our annual Thanksgiving pic.

I don't recognize one person in this photo.

With my Alzheimer's setting in, I'm not quite sure I was even there because Holy Hell! That is surely not me!

and those pseudo-kids?

Who let them into my house while I was rubbing down the turkey with a vat of butter at 6am?

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Speaking of losing my mind, I lost my wristlet purse yesterday.  I think it was at a local Pho restaurant. They have yet to look at their surveillance photos to prove, I indeed picked it up before I left and somehow slung it into a shrub somewhere along the way home.or a squirrel burrowed it in a tree for their stash. Just to fuck with me.

No charges have been made to either our personal or business accounts but I'm most pissed about the $10.00 Card from Target received after a hefty shopping experience last week.

and a $100.00 gift card given to me from a bride in May as a gift for my services.

Sadly, I haven't been able to use it these past six months due to poor planning on my part.

or what Rich would say, my Jan-Brady volunteering schedule.

I am going to be positive about this situation. Positive about my now lost driver's license on how I really needed a new picture since the old one looked like the poster child for the "Stay Puff  Marshmallow's" older and more mature sister.

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and FINALLY!

If you haven't watched the mid-season finale of "The Walking Dead......"

What the hell do you do with your life and time?

Thankfully, Glenn didn't sorta die again tonight but, whaaa?

stop making me rock back and forth with anticipation to only realize the rollercoaster was a kiddie ride.

Final words on the episode?

 

Obviously, Sam was never raised with my mother and "THE LOOK!"

The look STILL makes me feel like I'm 10-years-old!

Celia would have totally backhanded him into the walkers.

She SO doesn't have time for such shenanigans.

 

 

 

 

 

distraction

May the recorder die a bitter death.

Not the old-school voice tape recorder (in which I pretended I was interviewing Rick Springfield for days and hours on end while playing his records in between sound bites because, Oh, yes!!! "Success hasn't spoiled him yet!....." If you don't get that quote, you don't know shit about Dr. Noah Drake.....or 80's trivia or me.....)

 but the old school nerve esploding!!!! plastic piece 'o shit recorder.

Moira picked up the piano like a fiend! She can even sing and play at the same time. Just after 10 times (okay, simple songs but damn, I can't remember my name, so, well, I'm impressed....)  since we seem to cancel quite a bit. Because sometimes, I just don't want to drive across town for the 14th time that day.

The recorder? Not quite her bag.

Strangely enough, my father was the bomb! on the flute and saxophone so to find out this musically inclined kid was making Celia sound like a prodigy on her flutey thing, was a massive surprise to me. FYI ABHORRED this contraption.

Currently,we are ALL subjected to the incessant practicing to get her "Hot Cross Buns" just right.

Over and over and OVER again!

You know that heinous sound! No Kenny G's in the house!

Since Moira isn't mastering the flute wanna-be, she has found a way to make that bitch her own!

By playing it with her asthmatic, stuffed-up and runny nose.

Hey, I'm ALL about problem solving...

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In other news, I have been prescribed at least 7 different meds for anxiety and depression with everything making me feel like I'm either going to stroke the fuck out or choke someone the fuck out. All still making me feel like a bad placebo is wasting my time and money. A couple of weeks ago, I took a spit-test to "supposedly" find the right pharmacology to make me feel less..... well, let's just say, crazier.

After three days of listening to the plastic nose horn and taking care of Mr. with "the gout," I called my doctor's office today in a panic for the results of my enzymes.  

Tomorrow, I am going to leave another message with a rendition of "Silent Night" via the tubule piece with me whispering my name in the background. 

Daily.

Maybe, just maybe, they'll return my call sooner than later.

 

 

eightish

I was going to start Nanowrimo this month and realized, oops! It's the 8th! I forgot all about committing to such an endeavor. My restart of taking a picture of the day because otherwise, I don't take pictures at all!!! lasted, one day. Weee!!!! Winning!

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Rich thought it would be a romantical thought for the whole family to sit and watch ALL six of the old Star Wars series. I tried not to act like Celia and roll my eyes in the back of my head with his funny notion. I get he was trying to get the girls to like something more than Mindcraft and The Walking Dead. More family time. In the same room. Like what he's all excited about with the new movie coming out next month.

Within the first ten minutes of glory, Moira passed out for her afternoon siesta and Celia stalked off mumbling, "this is sooo boring!" Meanwhile, I'm still here in the living room, trying to support the Mister and his dream. Well, sorta as I am now writing on my site. Magically, I can do two things at once. Watch t.v. and write at the same time. I guess I'm not Still Alice just yet.

  

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Speaking of "Still Alice," this aging thing is really messing with my retention and recall of simple things like naming items with their proper word like, paper, money, food......... What the hell and I supposed to be doing tomorrow? Did I lose that check? Just where exactly am I supposed to be driving to if not towards some kid's school?

Please tell me, I am not the only one! AND if I AM the only one? Just lie to me. Odds are I won't remember anyway.

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Everything doesn't happen for a reason showed up in my Facebook feed yesterday. I wish I had written this piece. I know people mean well and want to say something comforting when they don't know what to say during a tragic and emotional time, but "everything happens for a reason," "It's God's will," and my favorite, "God needed another angel/You have an angel watching you now," makes me cringe. I don't EVER notice anyone who has had a shit situation happen to them personally say these things. Well, actually I have but it's usually on a talk show or on the news when people are talking about surviving a disaster. I guess they have to say this just like a movie star who thanks God for their Emmy. Yes, God HAD everything to do with that trophy.

Huh, maybe surviving life is making me more "Still Alice."  Trying to make it through the day without totally losing all my shizz on all the stupid shit that comes through my radar. The selfishness abounding and leaping from every corner makes me_____. I don't know. You fill-in-the-blank.

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Now, we have moved onto "The Empire Strikes Back."

Moira woke up, asked her dad 20 questions about what was going on since she missed 3/4 of the movie, Celia is chatting with a 'supposed' Mindcraft friend and I am finding ways to implant a tracker in her shoulder as she sleeps.

I do know if I have to watch another episode, I might actually have a weeks worth of posts in my que.